So today

I was driving.And It brought back some crazy memories.

Like, I passed the spot where about six months ago, I was walking, run away from home, to my boyfriends house. It was 17 degrees outside, so cold, and snowy. I was soaked to the bone from how wet it was. And it took me three hours to walk from my school to his house. I kep tgetting sprayed from passing cars. That same night he broke up with me, and all I can remember is howling in pain from how sad I was.

But before that night I had always had fun with him. And we hung out, and he called me baby, and I was loved. That night, we curled up in his twin size bed, and made love (multiple times) throughout the night. And it was wonderful.

Remembering my sadness though, made me sick to my stomach. Now, my outlet has always been to eat my sorrows away. Boy dumped you? Stuff my face with oreos.

But now, I'm sick of being fat. I NEED TO STICK WITH THE PROGRAM THOUGH.

So here's the plan. Because I'm sick of being fat, I need to have an eating plan.

Hopefully tommorow it will go, a large glass of water with three sticks of celery (18 calories)

Gum to bide my hunger away (5 calories)
Nothing until about lunchtime when I will have either soup (60-90 calories) or a yogurt (100 calories) or a protein bar (90 calories)

Lots of water.

Throughout the day I will supplement my carb interceptors in hopes they will do what I need.

I WILL BE THIN.

Anyone out there want to be my buddy? I could use it.

Feeling sick, but not sick enough to hurl...

I've been trying to purge. Both times were unsuccessful and leave me disestig my binge. I need a buddy for this. Anyone? Email t metalrosethorn@hotmail.com Thanks guys

Day Six.

So yesterday I was literally awful! I didn't blow 1000 calories, but I ate about five homeade white chocolate macadamia nut cookies my mom made, I was so frustrated I have barely eaten today. 50 calories for a rice cake, 70 for a pudding, and 21 for some celery and gum. The gym has been closed so I haven't been able to work out work out, but, again, I'm feeling thinner, and my collarbone feels so attractive, I want more of it. I want more of my hip bones. I want more.

Today I feel like a failure

So today, I haven't been very good today and it makes me feel like shit, and I'm very disappointed, I ate 484 calories and it wasn't even good, it was spaghettis and sausage. I tried very very hard to purge it up! I had my toothbrush down my throat for some time, and unfortunately nothing came of it. So I read up on some Mia tips to help the
Next rime I have one of these days... I hope this doesn't affect me too much. I did excersize but only burned 350 calories..

Progress

Alright, wanna know about my progress?

So day one my first actual day I only had 622 calories in total, and I even felt like I splurged a little. Yesterday was my second day, and I had 320 calories, and I worked out yesterday burning what I know of 850 calories, my legs are burning, but it felt so good and was so so so worth it. I feel thinner but currently I think it's just in my head. This morning I'm aiming for max calories of 850 since I can burn that off without passing out. Need to be thin, will be thin soon. Hopefully it's not unrealalistic to hope to lose ten pounds before Christmas.

Day 2

I'm craving a doughnut. but so far, I've only eaten about ninety calories for half of a Special K granola bar. Desperately looking for something else low in calories to eat. Hoping maybe to buy some celery (eventually becomes a negative calorie food) but for now, I half to make do with what is in our house. Haven't been too hungry yet though, and I plan on going to the gym at about twelve thirty, to burn at least 1000 calories. My max calories for the day is 1000, and I'm thinking thats a little high, maybe I can find a website that will show me whats a good, EXTREME dieting calorie amount. I've been attempting to research Pro-Ana websites, and maybe a Pro-Ana blog on here to help me out. I'm in need of support.

But I'm worried. I keep thinking, Curves are sexy, because I've been told that for so long. I don't want to lose my boobs, or the what I do have of a butt. I just need to be much thinner then I am. I don't want to look like a ten year old boy, or have a five inch gap between my legs, I need the perfect balance.

I have had enough.

You ask what I have had enough of?

Being fat.

I'm five two and I think about two ten pounds... I'm huge.

I'm not pretty enough for any man. Or even myself, and that is something I simply cannot handle.

So I have visited a few pro Ana websites, which is surprisingly everything I had already planned on doing!! Now don't get me wrong, I'm not flat out stop eating, because you gain weight that way. I have bought two types of diet pills, gum, ice cold water, and I plan on getting a notebook to document my extreme weight loss.

Today, although I'm starting late, I have breeches my limit of one housand calories, but accompanied with a protein bar and my diet pills. I'm going to work Out tomorrow for an extended amount of time.

I will be thin. I will be beautiful.