I'm probably going to post about my AMAZING day tommorow.
Just cuz I'm not really in the mood to blog currently. (Not that I don't love you ladies)
BUT! I didn't eat very well today, and! It's dance night!
In the mood to turn up some jams.
Throw on some shorts. and high heels. And dance til I pass out!!!
<3 y'all.
Tuesday, January 31
Too Excited
I'm too excited to sleep, I get to hang with Greg today, and I get to pick him up after I drop my aunt off at work. I'm so excited I can't sleep!!!!
I'll post more later I'm sure :D
I'll post more later I'm sure :D
Monday, January 30
Bleh to Woo
I love when a day turns around.
After I went to the gym, it was just like, I got out all my anger and was so chill, and happy and everything!!
2000 calories! (Not including the food I ate though)
But thats my all time high!!!!
But I got on the scale and was 149.8
Depressing because I gained after I lost so much, but I'll get there!
I saw something today that said to watch your words because if you say your going to fail, you will.
Which I kind of believe.
So.
Day 18
My weakness food? Oreos. Or Chips Ahoy. Or Chocolate. Or really anything sweet. I'm a sweet tooth, but occasionally I go on a salty binge.
This is a picture of my favorite place. My Aunt Barbies house!! Besides the fact that Barbie is cool as hell, I just love her house, so serene, and her doggies are good snuggle buddies :D
Day 19
The last time I ate fast food? :S I really don't remember. Does Subway count as fast food? Because then today. I assume a few weeks ago, but I honestly don't remember.
A picture of a habit I wish I didn't have?
This is me on my 17th birthday. Eating. I wish I didn't eat. No. Correction. I wish I didn't binge.
But. Shit happens.
I WILL BE THIN!
Off to read your blogs! Night ladies!!!
After I went to the gym, it was just like, I got out all my anger and was so chill, and happy and everything!!
2000 calories! (Not including the food I ate though)
But thats my all time high!!!!
But I got on the scale and was 149.8
Depressing because I gained after I lost so much, but I'll get there!
I saw something today that said to watch your words because if you say your going to fail, you will.
Which I kind of believe.
So.
Day 18
My weakness food? Oreos. Or Chips Ahoy. Or Chocolate. Or really anything sweet. I'm a sweet tooth, but occasionally I go on a salty binge.
This is a picture of my favorite place. My Aunt Barbies house!! Besides the fact that Barbie is cool as hell, I just love her house, so serene, and her doggies are good snuggle buddies :D
Day 19
The last time I ate fast food? :S I really don't remember. Does Subway count as fast food? Because then today. I assume a few weeks ago, but I honestly don't remember.
A picture of a habit I wish I didn't have?
This is me on my 17th birthday. Eating. I wish I didn't eat. No. Correction. I wish I didn't binge.
But. Shit happens.
I WILL BE THIN!
Off to read your blogs! Night ladies!!!
Slit Throat
Alright, so I haven't been on in a few days, because I've been like crazy.
Anyways not much has been going on. The other day I was crazy busy at work. Two and a half hours of dealing with a guy I had to personally shop for. He was a pain in the ass, but I was happy to be away from the register.
But I guess my story starts at last night.
So my mom let me go get Greg from work.
And I brought him to my house to meet my mom.
Well he was high, but it wasn't really a major deal. And my mom didn't even notice.
But then, fucking Glynna (who is my mom's friend, who has been living with us, and all that bullshit) goes and uses the truck.
And I ask her if she wants to make brownies with me (I was making them for Greg) and she's like, yeah in a minute, and so Im like awesome.
Then she goes, "who's smoking pot?" and goes and tells my mom.
She kept giving me shitty looks the rest of the night, and finnally after I took Greg home, my mom comes out, and starts asking me if I've been smoking pot. I told her Greg smoked at work.
But I'm pissed. Like he didn't have a chance, and FUCKING GLYNNA ruined it.
So he gets high, so does her boyfriend, and he fucking lives on our couch too! I want to fucking slit her throat right now.
I'm just so pissed.
And I've been eating like shit. And I'm getting fat. And I haven't even checked the scale, becaus eI don't want to know what it will say.
I hate life right now.
I hate myself right now.
Is it even worht it right now?
Anyways not much has been going on. The other day I was crazy busy at work. Two and a half hours of dealing with a guy I had to personally shop for. He was a pain in the ass, but I was happy to be away from the register.
But I guess my story starts at last night.
So my mom let me go get Greg from work.
And I brought him to my house to meet my mom.
Well he was high, but it wasn't really a major deal. And my mom didn't even notice.
But then, fucking Glynna (who is my mom's friend, who has been living with us, and all that bullshit) goes and uses the truck.
And I ask her if she wants to make brownies with me (I was making them for Greg) and she's like, yeah in a minute, and so Im like awesome.
Then she goes, "who's smoking pot?" and goes and tells my mom.
She kept giving me shitty looks the rest of the night, and finnally after I took Greg home, my mom comes out, and starts asking me if I've been smoking pot. I told her Greg smoked at work.
But I'm pissed. Like he didn't have a chance, and FUCKING GLYNNA ruined it.
So he gets high, so does her boyfriend, and he fucking lives on our couch too! I want to fucking slit her throat right now.
I'm just so pissed.
And I've been eating like shit. And I'm getting fat. And I haven't even checked the scale, becaus eI don't want to know what it will say.
I hate life right now.
I hate myself right now.
Is it even worht it right now?
Saturday, January 28
Chocolate.
I ate too much of it today.
So, first off I should note, I went to work, and had the most pain in the ass customer ALL DAY!
So my manager comes up and is like "go shopping for this guy, he will give you a list, and go get everything for him" so I do just that. Just like he asks. So then we're checking him out, and his card gets declined. But apparently /I'm/ incompatant asshole because it didn't work.
Four managers and two and a half hours later, he finnally left.
Without his groceries.
Then on my lunch break I went and bought a pregnancy test.
I've been worried about it, not going to lie.
Especially with everything I've been doing with Greg, and afte rmy mom and I got into it. Now normally, having sex without a condom is a very normal thing for me. I've never really been worried about getting pregnant (not that I think I could handle a kid) but I just almost feel, invincible to pregnancy (which is fucking stupid, because I'm not, but. still)
Anyways, the other day, at work, I was out of the blue gagging like I was going to throw up, and my stomach was flipping out.
So I was EXTREMLY worried.
But thankfully, I took a test (first time ever, and I had to read the instructions and everything) and it came back negative.
Which is enough to ease my head.
After that I celebrated with a Hershey with Almonds bar. They're my favorite.
Then. A few minutes later I bought a Snicker with Almonds bar. Because I couldn't afford another Hersheys ($1.24 instead of .74)
then. me and one of my coworkers were jacking around, and we went and bought chocolate doughnuts.
I feel so sick, and puffy. and bloated.
I work at 11:30 tommorow until eight thirty.
So hopefully no eating :D
I want to drop these pounds off.
Missing you ladies! Hope you guys have a good night.
So, first off I should note, I went to work, and had the most pain in the ass customer ALL DAY!
So my manager comes up and is like "go shopping for this guy, he will give you a list, and go get everything for him" so I do just that. Just like he asks. So then we're checking him out, and his card gets declined. But apparently /I'm/ incompatant asshole because it didn't work.
Four managers and two and a half hours later, he finnally left.
Without his groceries.
Then on my lunch break I went and bought a pregnancy test.
I've been worried about it, not going to lie.
Especially with everything I've been doing with Greg, and afte rmy mom and I got into it. Now normally, having sex without a condom is a very normal thing for me. I've never really been worried about getting pregnant (not that I think I could handle a kid) but I just almost feel, invincible to pregnancy (which is fucking stupid, because I'm not, but. still)
Anyways, the other day, at work, I was out of the blue gagging like I was going to throw up, and my stomach was flipping out.
So I was EXTREMLY worried.
But thankfully, I took a test (first time ever, and I had to read the instructions and everything) and it came back negative.
Which is enough to ease my head.
After that I celebrated with a Hershey with Almonds bar. They're my favorite.
Then. A few minutes later I bought a Snicker with Almonds bar. Because I couldn't afford another Hersheys ($1.24 instead of .74)
then. me and one of my coworkers were jacking around, and we went and bought chocolate doughnuts.
I feel so sick, and puffy. and bloated.
I work at 11:30 tommorow until eight thirty.
So hopefully no eating :D
I want to drop these pounds off.
Missing you ladies! Hope you guys have a good night.
My Stomach Hurts
And thats that. On top of cramps (thank god, at least I'm not pregnant.) I've been eating so much shit thay my stomach doesn't even know what to do. It goes through me like liquid, but in the mean time, makes me feel like shit.
Not much else to say, cuz lately has been pretty boring.
got to see Greg last night, and I missed him. Alot.
Day 16
I first decided I needed to lose weight? Well. I've struggeled with it all through highschool, but I think it was when I took a picture with my sister and I had a double chin. NOT OKAY!!! So I decided I needed a drastic change, especially knowing how I binge and overeat.
Thats me and some of my best friends. They've always been there for me when I needed them.
Day 17
Yes, I have an eating disorder. I'm a compulsive over eater. And when I'm not I'm an OCD calorie counter. And it's a problem, but I'm working on things.
My biggest insecurity is my weight. Whatever the scale says is god in my eyes. And I hate it.
Not much else to say, cuz lately has been pretty boring.
got to see Greg last night, and I missed him. Alot.
Day 16
I first decided I needed to lose weight? Well. I've struggeled with it all through highschool, but I think it was when I took a picture with my sister and I had a double chin. NOT OKAY!!! So I decided I needed a drastic change, especially knowing how I binge and overeat.
Thats me and some of my best friends. They've always been there for me when I needed them.
Day 17
Yes, I have an eating disorder. I'm a compulsive over eater. And when I'm not I'm an OCD calorie counter. And it's a problem, but I'm working on things.
My biggest insecurity is my weight. Whatever the scale says is god in my eyes. And I hate it.
Thursday, January 26
Some Things I Never Wanted To Do
Some things I never wanted to do.
Have a discussion with my mom about having unprotected sex.
Have a discussion with my mom about my eating disorder.
Be afraid to post on my blog because of it's damning evidence.
But I don't care.
I am what I am, and there it is.
But I have new followers and I could cry I'm so excited.
I got on the scale today and weigh 147.8
My lowest.
My size nine work pants kept falling really low on me today. And it made me heart leap times a million.
Eating disorders are all about control. And I feel so happy, because when I do good like this, I know it's my control (I guess, even though lately, I've been OUT OF CONTROL) a feeling i dislike.
My moms friend keeps te (damn I just broke my nail!) telling me that I'm starving myself. True, but I'm not going to tell her that. In fact, it's pissing me off.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
I'm glad they're worried. but, I'm not glad they monitor what I eat.
Like the stuffing, and the mashed potatoes, and three bites of porkchop I HAD to eat today.
390 calories.
Not to mention my two oranges I ate today.
470.
an icky number.
Three days of posts insuing!
Day 13
My losing weight is unhealthy, yes. But it's getting the results I want. And I'm okay with that.
Thats Eminem. Who is my ALL TIME FAVORITE artist. Because, I always feel like he's talking to ME when he sings a song. and if not to me, about me.
I love him (besides, isn't he sexy?!)
Lady Gaga is second,. Not only is she SEXY. SMART.
She's so inspiring.
Day fourteen.
Ultimate goal weight? 98 pounds, and I hope when I get there, it's enough. I hope to get there by bikini season :D
These are my babies, and I couldn't imagine my life without them. For 15 years I was an only child.
But now, I love my babies :D
Day 16
I'm not a vegan or a vegitarian, and I probably couldn't knew too many people that were.
And, I barely have enough control to avoid food, let alone like. Animal products.
I want to have a gorgeus, REALLY EXPENSIVE wedding before I die. Sounds dumb, and un realistic. But I want it.
Anyways, thanks for the support ladies, and I love that you guys enjoyed the Gaga speech!
I'm off to bed.
Have a discussion with my mom about having unprotected sex.
Have a discussion with my mom about my eating disorder.
Be afraid to post on my blog because of it's damning evidence.
But I don't care.
I am what I am, and there it is.
But I have new followers and I could cry I'm so excited.
I got on the scale today and weigh 147.8
My lowest.
My size nine work pants kept falling really low on me today. And it made me heart leap times a million.
Eating disorders are all about control. And I feel so happy, because when I do good like this, I know it's my control (I guess, even though lately, I've been OUT OF CONTROL) a feeling i dislike.
My moms friend keeps te (damn I just broke my nail!) telling me that I'm starving myself. True, but I'm not going to tell her that. In fact, it's pissing me off.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
I'm glad they're worried. but, I'm not glad they monitor what I eat.
Like the stuffing, and the mashed potatoes, and three bites of porkchop I HAD to eat today.
390 calories.
Not to mention my two oranges I ate today.
470.
an icky number.
Three days of posts insuing!
Day 13
My losing weight is unhealthy, yes. But it's getting the results I want. And I'm okay with that.
Thats Eminem. Who is my ALL TIME FAVORITE artist. Because, I always feel like he's talking to ME when he sings a song. and if not to me, about me.
I love him (besides, isn't he sexy?!)
Lady Gaga is second,. Not only is she SEXY. SMART.
She's so inspiring.
Day fourteen.
Ultimate goal weight? 98 pounds, and I hope when I get there, it's enough. I hope to get there by bikini season :D
These are my babies, and I couldn't imagine my life without them. For 15 years I was an only child.
But now, I love my babies :D
Day 16
I'm not a vegan or a vegitarian, and I probably couldn't knew too many people that were.
And, I barely have enough control to avoid food, let alone like. Animal products.
I want to have a gorgeus, REALLY EXPENSIVE wedding before I die. Sounds dumb, and un realistic. But I want it.
Anyways, thanks for the support ladies, and I love that you guys enjoyed the Gaga speech!
I'm off to bed.
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