Not Ready

I'm pregnant.

Dale wants this.

I don't.

I don't want to lose him because he thinks I ruined his dream. And yet a little part of me wants this, but feels like he's trying to force me into this. I don't want this.

I don't want a baby.

Vanity in me doesn't want to look pregnant I want to be skinny forever.

Going all the way

So, I'm kinda of nervous, but I did it.

I changed my preferences at work to move over to Grocery, I only picked things I would move up or stay the same in pay.

I'm terrified to leave, but change will be good.

To be honest I really decided when my horoscope told me to try new things at work.

Need Advice

Alright, so.

Let's start with this.

I got told by the assistant grocery manger at Hell-Mart that he needed me in grocery, and if I was willing to switch from cashier to grocery, he could have me do that probably within the next few days.

Instinctly I want to say YES!

Especially with all the shit I've been enduring as a cashier. People are terrible, I have some terrible managers, and I get all this shit.

But. I would miss my good mangers, and my regulars (coupon ladies are their name)

And I might get bumped down pay grades, which means I would get paid less (which I would say hell no to) but it really depends on what position.

I'm seriously tossing this around in my head.

And it's seriously a debate. Thoughts?

Of Course

Of Course today I'm feeling fat and down.

Sometimes I feel like nowaday I have nothing interesting to talk about.

I coupon, and end up with a bunch of shit, and bunch of shit I have no use for.

I want to sell it, but, honestly, where in the world would i do that?!

 I have a picture of Dale and I, but I look like such a fatass.

But thats all I have, I really love him.

The Likewise of my Last Post

So despite my weird dream life has been ehh.

We've been couponing, things at work have been okay.

I keep gaining weight and the more I gain, the more I hate myself.

So I looked up a few things from my dreams.

The bus- Apparently means I lack originality because I'm going along with everyone else.It also note I don't really have control of where my life is taking me.

I can only relate this to how Dale and I are fighting, because he never lets me go hang out with my friends because he doesn't trust me. But he makes it sound like I only want to hang out with them by myself, but, its not either of those things. I want to hang out with him and my friends, but not all the time, and I feel like if I don't change that, I'm losing control.

Welding-  To dream that you are welding something suggests that you need to incorporate some behavior, habit, or character into your life. You need to combine various aspects in order to feel whole. 


I honestly have no idea what this would refer to. At all, Maybe couponing, and Dale, and partying and friends, and work? I have no clue! 


School- a dream that takes place in school may be a metaphor for the lessons that you are learning from your waking life. You may be going through a "spiritual learning" experience. 


Yeah. No clue again.


I looked up gambeling, but, it told me to let up, only if I saw myself gambeling, but I wasn't other people were.

Rain-  To see and hear rain falling symbolizes forgiveness and grace. Falling rain is also a metaphor for tears, crying and sadness. Alternatively, rain symbolizes fertility and renewal. If you get wet from the rain, then it indicates cleaning from your troubles and problems.

To dream that you are watching the rain from a window indicates that spiritual ideas and insights are being brought to your awareness. It may also symbolize fortune and love.

To hear rain tapping on the roof denotes spiritual ideas coming to fruition in your mind. 

I had to post the whole thing, because literally all of that happened. Still not exactly sure of the referance. Sadness in referance to fighting with Dale, and this whole job thing? 

Cell phone- 

To see or use a cell phone in your dream indicates that you are being receptive to new information. It also represents your mobility. Alternatively, the dream signifies lack of understanding. Perhaps you are having difficulties getting through to someone.

If you find a cell phone, then it symbolizes reconnection and reopened communication.

Now, I feel like the first one really goes better with the flow of this dream with the whole informationg thing that I don't really understand. Getting through to Dale is impossible with how I feel, possibly because I don't know how I feel. The last one is what happened in the dream, but I haven't like. Reconnected with somebody, I don't think.

Cd Player-  To see or use a CD player in your dream represents the impression or image that you want to project to others. It may also symbolize inspiration and the simple pleasure of listening to music.

Nope. No clue.

 Laptop- To see or use a laptop in your dream represents your need to reach out and communicate with others in any circumstance.

I assume this has to do with my partying. I need to reach out to Dale even when I want to party and make him feel a part of everything.

The cemetary perception bothers me too much to post unfortunately.

I dunno. Time to go to sixbillionsecrets.com

 

Dreams and The Likewise

Alright. So I literally had the strangest fucking dream. Gonna look up the meaning after I tell you guys about it. It was so intense.

Alright, so it starts out, idk, some girls (I don't really know, but in my dream I knew them) we were hanging out going to run some errands or some shit, and like. Well basically my friends have some horses, and like, they need a piece of their cage welded.

So I go to weld it, and I'm not sure if I'm putting the right pieces together, and so we go to find my stepdad who is like, really good at welding (NOT TRUE!) and we have to walk through like, this weird ass school and shit, and finnally we come upon like, this gambeling ring and there is my step dad. So we tell him we need his help and he follows us to help us, and th elikewise. Well, this one kid, who is like our age, but fairly irritating, and just, idk, like, one of those people that are super irritating everything they say and everything about them. Well basically we get finished with our errands, and we're riding the bus home, and this kid appartenly like is coming with us well we find this phone, and it's got a kermit the frog case, and this kid starts making fun of it and shit, but we decided to leave it on the bus.

Well, eventually we get off at this restaurant. We go inside, and he goes to go to the bathroom, and we ditch him.

I feel the need to make this side note. It was raining and grey the whole dream. It was pretty cold outside, and I wasn't wearing a jacket.

Anyways. Like the next day basically, I'm by myself on the bus, and there is this trashcan right there and a phone starts ringing inside of it, and I look inside, and it's the phone from yesterday. So I pick it up, don't answer and put it in my pocket.

Well then I meet up with my friends, and basically they say the same thing, like one found a CD player, with her name on it, and like, the other girl found another cell phone.

So we go to this cemetary, get out and walk, and we're freaking out, and end up in this library, and find this girl's laptop. Well, we're trying to find someone to contact, to tell them the laptop was missing, and we do the same thing with the phones, but we can't find any good contacts (like a parent, or a constant person their texting), and basically we open up the laptop, and find all these weird like Craigslist porno emails, waiting for this girl. And we're assuming she got kidnapped. Well, the library closes down and we end up having to walk home, and the computer starts dinging, and the phones starts ringing. And I woke up.

Its really got to me, really not sure why. Have to go look it up now.

21 Followers

Woo! More to come tommorow.

On Hold

Mother fuck.

Tried to pay my energy bill online today.

Got charged 3 times.

On hold with every fucking company that exists. and no one can seem to figure out how to fix the problem.

Gahhhhhhhhh.

Dale said he wanted to help me with my "diet" because he felt like he was holding me back.

I'm totally willing to let him help me stay on track.

Gah today already blows!

Shit storm

Shit blew up at work.

I need to quit.

Dale's work is hiring.

He doesn't think I can handle working and living with him.

To be honest, I don't know if I can either.

I wouldn't mind something with better pay, and less shitty people though.

But I'm just feeling sad.

Happy to have so many texting buddies to talk to when these things happen :D

I binged last night, and it was so lame. It was these really old carmal corn things, soup, and a pulled pork sandwich. and a bowl of cereal. oh wait. two bowls.

Lame right?

Ug. I hate life right now.

Well. Here's to Life.

Got a verbal warning at work.

That sucked.

Helping out a friend in need.

Thats pretty cool.

Cutting coupons.

Its fucking amazing.

Rented movies with Dale.

Very fun.

Playing Housewife.

I'm sure I'll get bored eventually, but for now :D

Weighing in at 150.

I feel like crying.

Got an accountability parter.

Thank god.

Here's to life!

I hope Today Isn't Like This

I hope that today is not going to be this difficult.

I suppose I should start from last night.

So, I told you how I cut coupons to make money? And that my night managers hate me because they're fucking lazy, and I called them out on their shit? Well yeah. That basically sets up for the disaster that was last night.

SOOOO. Dale and I get all the shit we need, rush to get it before the last daytime cashier gets off at midnight, because like I said nighttime cashiers and managers fucking hate me, because they don't want to do Price Matching, or coupons or shit!

So, everything is going great, we get all rung up, and fucking Linda (a manager) has to come over and approve it, and she starts shaking her head saying I cant.

Well. I'm a daytime cashier, not only have I done this before, I watch others do this constantly, and daytime CSMs (Customer Service Managers, basically my manager, but not the highest you can be) approve this shit all the time.

So, when she says I can't start doing this, I was like, "Yes I can, I watch people do it all the time," and she goes "What, use more then the allowed coupon?" and starts going off on me.

And she goes "I'm going to do it, but only this once, and I'm taking these coupons to management because they looks fraudulent." I was FLOORED!!!!!

So, we get checked out and I ask Dale to take the things to the car, while I go find a nighttime higher up manager, because I'm PISSED at this point.

I find the assistant manager, and I tell her everything that happened, and she tells me I came to a good person, it's unacceptable blah blah blah.

So I leave.

Then this morning, Dale finnally got paid, so I could finnally pay my rent. Well today is like the first day that late charges start going up. Apparently.

I come into the leasing office as it opens to see how much I owe, and basically it was $714 if I was going to pay with a money order that would show the date on it. But if I got a check that I could post-date it would still be $639.

Now.

When I got my checking card, I never got a set of checks.

Basically, I had to go to the bank, buy a check come back, fill the check out, Yadda. Yadda. Yadda.

Today has already been WAY TOO DIFFICULT! I plan on going in at like noon to go talk to our Store Manager about last night, because it's simply unacceptable.

In neutral news (not good or bad) I'm at 177.2 Which is lower then yesterday (good) higher then before (bad). Therefore being neutral.

In good news, Bronson finnally got moved in, he's so sweet. And Samantha adjusted very fast! She walks around like she still owns the place, and it's funny, because this like 80 lbs Pitbull in submissive to maybe a five pound cat.

Hopefully I don't lose my job because of last night, because honestly, that'd probably send me over the edge. I had a coffee this morning from 7-11. Tasty, but not very healthy the way I make them.

Eh, I hope my day gets better, and that you ladies are having a good one!

28 Pages

28 pages of coupons. Is that shit insane?!

Dale and I made $10 bucks again last night, treated ourselves to groceries (one of which was fucking oatmeal cookies at 180 cals a fucking cookie, that I ate like. Twelve of!)

And we went to a movie. Went and saw Chronicle. Wasn't a bad movie, the antics and shit were good, but I've come to the conclusion that it was utterly plotless. Don't waste the 2 and a half hours.

I weighed in at 148.0 again.

Not happy, and so I ate a thing of chicken alfredo today at 230 cals, and had some pink lemonade for 100.

Which I burned off in a circuit of jumping jacks, squats, pushups, and crunches.

I actually have to work again today, which I'm not excited for.

But money is money, and damn, do I need money honies!

<3 you ladies, I'll be checking up on your blogs soon I promise, I haven't forgotten about you guys, I'm just so sucked into the real world (which blows.) its hard.

Good Day Wonderful People

Couponing, Weight Loss, and Dogs

Like the title says, thats all I've been thinking about  mainly.

Couponing, the last two times we've done it, I've been paid.

First time five dollars, yesterday eight dollars.

Quite a triumph I think.

Been trying to lose more weight, I need my Ana and Mia to come back strong because Fat me has been in control TOO LONG!

But I'm starting to lose, and lose I will.

And dogs.

Dale has a dog Bronson, whom we weren't gonna move in, just because a) he's big b) he's been moved around alot and Dale really doesn't want to uproot him again.

But last night we talked, because Dale gets so sad everytime he talks about giving Bronson to his parents (who totally love him and will spoil him rotten)

So I told Dale we could take him in.

Dale's so excited, so am I, to have a dog, and somebody to keep me company since my dog Sam died (Bronson reminds me so much of Sam.)

But, I am worried about my cat. I feel like I'm betraying her if I bring a dog in, and I'm worried I won't be able to give her enough one on one time, or she won't come out.

It's stressing me out alot. Because I love both animals so much.

Well I'm off to the mall. Have a good one ladies!

The Perfect Housewife

I am not.

I woke up with Dale today, as he was getting ready for work and I was going to make him lunch and write him a sweet little love note in it, but. We didn't have mayo for sandwichs or anything, so, that didn't happen.

I walked to the store to buy laundry detergent, and it wasn't til I got home, I ralized I bought fabric softener instea.d I still used that shit, because I was too lazy to walk back to the store and do a reutnr at 7 in the morning.

I also realize my typing has become shotty, and almost illiterate since my lack of blogging.

But on with the day.

I proceeded to take 3 FULL laundry baskets down the street to the laundry mat, to get washed, and dryed. $12 later, and a nap, I finnally folded them. But I fucked up my toe clipping my nails this morning, so it's all hurty and Dale's laundry basket is kinda broken, and all the clothes fell all over the street.

So I'm blogging.

I made 5 bucks the other day couponing like on those shows. I plan on doing it again, because I'm broke as FUCK!

Weighing in heavy today, but in a few hours I'm going to my moms to load the Ipod Dale gave me, and go workout til I pass out!!!

Happy Weight Loss Ladies!