So heres me bitching about some more shit.
Whine Number 1
So my mom is bitching at me again for looking at porn on her computer because she had to do a safety scan on it last night. Last time I checked I HAVENT BEEN LOOKING AT PORN! I've been watching The Walking Dead online, Blogger.com, and Facebook. So please stop bitching at me, because I'm SOOOOOOO Done.
Whine Number 2
Sooo, I haven't talked to my dad since I left his house. And thats absolutely fine with me. But what pisses me off is he posts stupid shit on his Facebook, about how he has the best daughter in the world, and then some stupid bitch posts on her wall that she loves him like her father, and he's the coolest fucking dude ever. And in my thoughts? THEY CAN GO LIVE HAPPILY FUCKING EVER TOGETHER AND HAVE A GREAT FATHER DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP WITHOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Douche Bag.
P.S. Emily, I hate you too.
Whine Number 3
I extremly dislike being talked to like I'm STUPID! Because I work at Wal-Mart. Just because I work at Walmart does not me I'm mentally challenged. It doesn't mean I'm a coke whore, It means I work at god damn walmart because I have damn bills to pay, bitch! And without me, kinda looks like you'd be starving with your five hundred dollars in groceries. And the people that bring in coupons? Alright, I can understand that, thats cool. BUT I does not give you and excuse to BITCH ME OUT because they dont work. Maybe if you read your damn coupon right, it would work. But it doesn't. And on that note, people that get behind people with the coupons, don't blame me if it takes a while to get these people through, I'm doing my job, and it's the persons fault for not finding the right shit on the coupon. Kay thanks.
Whine Number 4
It needs to be Sunday.
And on that note
Excitement Number 1
I've been getting into the show The Walking Dead, I watched the whole first season and LOVED IT!!!!!!!!! I'm hooked. Can't wait for Season Two to start.
Excitement Number 2
I just got my first paycheck from Wally World on Thursday, and was like :O THATS AWESOME! I got paid so much for the three days I worked. Yes I did blow through it in one day paying everyone back, but, thats kind of okay with me :D
Wanna know what I bought with it?
$30 in gas (which only filled me up halfway! Damn politicians)
$60 to my mom for paying my phone bill
$20 to Autumn for paying for me to go to the Haunted House
$25 ish on a Fairy Halloween costume for Jaiden (it's cute)
$35 ish on a Pirate and a Muno costume for the boys (they're really cute!)
And it leave me with a little above nine dollars until two weeks from now.
But what the hell I'm okay with that.
Excitement Number 3
I think I wanna be Lady Gaga for Halloween. Yup.
Thats about it.
Thanks Guys (Have a good day!)
Saturday, October 15
Wednesday, October 12
More weird dreams folks!
So I had another crazy dream last night kids!
So it started I was driving with my friend and we ended up parking on 80th and Simm's ish, right by our school, after the train tracks, but it was different, there was a bunch of overgrown trees, and it didn't really look like 80th and Simms does, but I know it was.
Anyways, it starts off driving, and Joe and I park on the side of the road, and I get out, and start racing through trees like my friend Katy and I used to (not that we have ever done this in real life, but I guess we used to in my dreams) but since I was more grown up in my dream, I was taller and the trees have grown and I keep hitting myself on these damn branches, and it hurts, but I keep running anyways, and I know Joe is like trying to keep up with me, until I stop right at the edge of the dense trees, because I see Katy.
So let me clarify, I know I came back from somewhere, but I really don't know where, and when I came back to my town, it's really very different. And through all of my dream, I feel this really like, reminiscent sadness. Another clarification, I just so happen to know in this dream that Katy was mad at me, and we kind of went our separate ways (it was much like the Jessie situation)((Which I understand most people don't understand, but for those who do, there ya have it))ANWAYS, so I see Katy for like the first time in ages, and yet she had the same kind of melancholy attitude.
I think it was lightly raining too.
So I kinda go up to her and start talking, and she starts talking about how I left, and the scene changes to when I was a young kid, I ran away from school and into this field where everyone was in these old fashion white clothes. The people were mostly kids, but there were some adults, and everyone was laughing and playing and having a great time, except for me who was all melancholy, and in the background a voice says I ran away because of the horses and the scene changes to a running horse (which is really absurd, because I really dont even like horses) and suddenly I found a ton of balloons, and I picked out these two blood red balloons that were tangled together, and as I took them I realized there was a man in a black hat staring at me.
Scene changes again back to me walking with Katy and she starts telling me that everyone at school was gossiping that I got pregnant and ran away with a guy, when the scene flashes to me walking into a cabin with the black hatted man. And Katy says, when she tried to find me again that the townspeople said I had lost the baby and ran away, but the scene flashes me purposely trying to lose the baby and running away from the cabin. And at this point I can't tell which story is true, me running with the man, or going to the field.
So at this point as we're walking we come to this abrupt hill in the sidewalk and it's pretty steep, and I kinda laugh and look at Katy and she as like "remember, we used to call this the hill" and it always seemed so big when we were little and now it's tiny. And even though it's been forever I ask if she will hold my hand. So we walk up the hill laughing (which is also strange because at the real life spot where this would be happening is completely flat)towards the school where there is a brand new firehouse built (which there IS a firehouse by the spot this would be happening, but it's not the same one, this one has two stories and is bright red with two windows) and apparently some girl had died there which is why they had only two windows or something like that.
But Katy was going to college here, and her dad worked there, but Katy tells me she doesn't want to do it anymore, and all she has ever wanted to do is read Tarot for a living. So we drive into the firehouse and drive too far into it, and have to turn around in this awkward spot, and finally we park the car in the lobby and go into her dads office. And we're holding hands and Katy is really panicking.
So she walks into her dads office and tells him all she has ever wanted to do is read Tarot and doesn't want to do this, even though she got a scholarship here, and she hates it. And she starts crying, and all I can do is hold her hand.
So he doesn't stop us, and we leave the firehouse, both of our parents have disowned us basically and now we have like absolutely nothing. So I'm trying to convince Katy to go to Metro to get a business degree with me so that we can start a Tarot shop in New York with Tarot on one side and a coffee shop on the other. But in order to pay for her school we figure out a way to expose a scandal with a lead person at the firehouse, and we write down all we know, but accidentally left it in her truck.
But I go interview with this guy and write things down, but forget a recorder to record it, and thats the only really way we could get evidence, so I tell him I'll be back later. So Katy and I get off this school bus in front of the field I ran away in as a little kid, which backs up right next to the dense forest where the dream began, and I ask her if thats how we get to her truck. She says yes and I start running.
Well it turns out that this field I'm running through happens to be a Comcast parking lot, but I keep running anyways, and I get sort of lost in this field and manage to like, time-travel.
So I end up going to the past, and we tell my mom our plan, and she gives us a tape recorder so we can tape this guy we're exposing, and she leads us out the door, which is in our town, but it's different since we're in the past. So we're trying to find the future again, and we go back to where the firehouse normally is, and it was a tattoo parlour. So we walk in and I go to get a drink of water, and the man there is basically an old step dad of mine, and yet he doesn't recognize me. So I run down the steps with Katy and to this balcony thing where I start to just cry and lean down and sob.
And thats when I woke up.
I'm going to do a little more research on my dream and see what it brings up, talk to you guys later!
So it started I was driving with my friend and we ended up parking on 80th and Simm's ish, right by our school, after the train tracks, but it was different, there was a bunch of overgrown trees, and it didn't really look like 80th and Simms does, but I know it was.
Anyways, it starts off driving, and Joe and I park on the side of the road, and I get out, and start racing through trees like my friend Katy and I used to (not that we have ever done this in real life, but I guess we used to in my dreams) but since I was more grown up in my dream, I was taller and the trees have grown and I keep hitting myself on these damn branches, and it hurts, but I keep running anyways, and I know Joe is like trying to keep up with me, until I stop right at the edge of the dense trees, because I see Katy.
So let me clarify, I know I came back from somewhere, but I really don't know where, and when I came back to my town, it's really very different. And through all of my dream, I feel this really like, reminiscent sadness. Another clarification, I just so happen to know in this dream that Katy was mad at me, and we kind of went our separate ways (it was much like the Jessie situation)((Which I understand most people don't understand, but for those who do, there ya have it))ANWAYS, so I see Katy for like the first time in ages, and yet she had the same kind of melancholy attitude.
I think it was lightly raining too.
So I kinda go up to her and start talking, and she starts talking about how I left, and the scene changes to when I was a young kid, I ran away from school and into this field where everyone was in these old fashion white clothes. The people were mostly kids, but there were some adults, and everyone was laughing and playing and having a great time, except for me who was all melancholy, and in the background a voice says I ran away because of the horses and the scene changes to a running horse (which is really absurd, because I really dont even like horses) and suddenly I found a ton of balloons, and I picked out these two blood red balloons that were tangled together, and as I took them I realized there was a man in a black hat staring at me.
Scene changes again back to me walking with Katy and she starts telling me that everyone at school was gossiping that I got pregnant and ran away with a guy, when the scene flashes to me walking into a cabin with the black hatted man. And Katy says, when she tried to find me again that the townspeople said I had lost the baby and ran away, but the scene flashes me purposely trying to lose the baby and running away from the cabin. And at this point I can't tell which story is true, me running with the man, or going to the field.
So at this point as we're walking we come to this abrupt hill in the sidewalk and it's pretty steep, and I kinda laugh and look at Katy and she as like "remember, we used to call this the hill" and it always seemed so big when we were little and now it's tiny. And even though it's been forever I ask if she will hold my hand. So we walk up the hill laughing (which is also strange because at the real life spot where this would be happening is completely flat)towards the school where there is a brand new firehouse built (which there IS a firehouse by the spot this would be happening, but it's not the same one, this one has two stories and is bright red with two windows) and apparently some girl had died there which is why they had only two windows or something like that.
But Katy was going to college here, and her dad worked there, but Katy tells me she doesn't want to do it anymore, and all she has ever wanted to do is read Tarot for a living. So we drive into the firehouse and drive too far into it, and have to turn around in this awkward spot, and finally we park the car in the lobby and go into her dads office. And we're holding hands and Katy is really panicking.
So she walks into her dads office and tells him all she has ever wanted to do is read Tarot and doesn't want to do this, even though she got a scholarship here, and she hates it. And she starts crying, and all I can do is hold her hand.
So he doesn't stop us, and we leave the firehouse, both of our parents have disowned us basically and now we have like absolutely nothing. So I'm trying to convince Katy to go to Metro to get a business degree with me so that we can start a Tarot shop in New York with Tarot on one side and a coffee shop on the other. But in order to pay for her school we figure out a way to expose a scandal with a lead person at the firehouse, and we write down all we know, but accidentally left it in her truck.
But I go interview with this guy and write things down, but forget a recorder to record it, and thats the only really way we could get evidence, so I tell him I'll be back later. So Katy and I get off this school bus in front of the field I ran away in as a little kid, which backs up right next to the dense forest where the dream began, and I ask her if thats how we get to her truck. She says yes and I start running.
Well it turns out that this field I'm running through happens to be a Comcast parking lot, but I keep running anyways, and I get sort of lost in this field and manage to like, time-travel.
So I end up going to the past, and we tell my mom our plan, and she gives us a tape recorder so we can tape this guy we're exposing, and she leads us out the door, which is in our town, but it's different since we're in the past. So we're trying to find the future again, and we go back to where the firehouse normally is, and it was a tattoo parlour. So we walk in and I go to get a drink of water, and the man there is basically an old step dad of mine, and yet he doesn't recognize me. So I run down the steps with Katy and to this balcony thing where I start to just cry and lean down and sob.
And thats when I woke up.
I'm going to do a little more research on my dream and see what it brings up, talk to you guys later!
Tuesday, October 11
GOOD NEWS!
Finnally some non negative news to Metal's Bloggy Page!!!!!
I just got my acceptance letter to UCD in the spring!
So I was heartbroken when I got expelled from flight school, but right before I left, a really amazing girl told me I was meant for something better and to go to a University and get my degree.
So I'm doing it, and damn I'm happy.
I just got my acceptance letter to UCD in the spring!
So I was heartbroken when I got expelled from flight school, but right before I left, a really amazing girl told me I was meant for something better and to go to a University and get my degree.
So I'm doing it, and damn I'm happy.
Mind Dump
So, I haven't posted in a while, which I have found is making me go crazy, because I want to just have a inside mind dump, venting, diarrhea of the mouth session.
First off, I got a job at Wal-Mart, which so far, I'm loving, it gets me away from my crazy house, and even though I come home feeling sore, and like a seventy year old woman, I love it. Getting to work just feels really good. And it goes by very quick. I half believe I have what it takes to be a workaholic. I'm really not in it for the money, but I can't wait to get my paycheck. I'm starting to pay off my debts. Fiftey five for my mom, for paying my phone bill, and a little extra for interest, fifteen to Autumn who paid for me to go to the haunted house (which was incredibly good) and hopefully after ALL of that I'll have some money to go to a haunted house with Joe, because I really want to.
Second, I hope the marching band festival goes late, and that my band doesn't perform until late so I can see them (seeing that I have to work that day)
Third. SO my mom is mad at her best friends (no, scratch that) shes upset, and masking it as madness. She didn't get invited to something, and it's really stirring up some old thoughts and totally the same exact feelings some of my old friends did to me.
Fourth. So I had an epiphany. I was listening to "Lighters" by eminem, right? A song that I really wasn't that into, until I forced myself to listen to and now it's like my coming up anthem! I listen to it over and over, because like, it just boosts my entire day! And then, I was missing my friend joe, like to the max. I seriously just need to see him, and just snuggle him. Which probably sounds utterly ridiculous, but I just want to hug him, and fall asleep, and I want to make him okay, right? And then, I realized. My friend joe, sounds exactly like Eminem. And I got that warm fuzzy feeling (haha get the reference?) and I was driving the truck in utter serenity, because it felt like I was with joe, and everything was just okay.
Which is another thing. I learned to drive a stick shift, and have been borrowing my moms truck, I love it. But as with borrowing things, my mom gets mad and wants to take them away, even if she isn't going to use it, idk, some power trip shit. It feels alot like my own car, and earlier today she yelled at me about having the music too loud, which I probably did, but it was ridiculous because I was just jamming to Lighters, and if I have it really loud, the bass kinda thumps in my heart, right? And it makes me definately gets this euphoric kind of high.
Thats right, I got high. Naturally. Which is funny, because smoking Miss Jane does the same thing, and it's natural, because it's a plant. But thats not what I'm talking about.
FOR ALL YOU READERS! (yes, that means you, you, people that aren't reading, that I'm going to address anyways)
I do NOT smoke pot, and DO NOT get high from the use of illegal substances. I was using it as a statement to say I got the on top of the world feeling from listening to my music, and just feeling alright with the world.
Which scares me, I'm either someone that can get high without drugs, or, I had the realization of what a happy person feels like all the time. Which, I wish I could feel like that all the time, I do, because I feel so on top of the world, like I could do anything, and everything is okay, and it's so pecefully relaxing. And so I guess I'm addicted to that feeling of okayness. Which I rarely ever get. And I miss it, I used to have it so much more often, and now I just don't.
I'm starting to wonder if I should be on depression medication.
The only bad thing is as much as I don't want to feel this sadness, I want to feel, I don't want to be numb like any other doped up American, I just want to be happier.
Which brings me to my next point.
I'm dreaming so vastly of getting an Apartment.
but as I long for it, and getting out of my moms house (again)
I came to realize. YesI can save up for an apartment, and eventually I'll get one, and yes I can go to school and eventually get a degree in something or another. But then what?
Yes I'd get a job I love, and that would be great! But then I'm sure after a while it would be like playing a video game without knowing what to do, or waiting for a quest or something.
You just waste your time, and idle life away waiting for the next big thing, and the next amazing life changing moment, or the next thing you succeed at.
And when you do, then what?
Well I'm sure all you nonreaders have read enough of my senseless jabber.
My mind dump is empty :D
First off, I got a job at Wal-Mart, which so far, I'm loving, it gets me away from my crazy house, and even though I come home feeling sore, and like a seventy year old woman, I love it. Getting to work just feels really good. And it goes by very quick. I half believe I have what it takes to be a workaholic. I'm really not in it for the money, but I can't wait to get my paycheck. I'm starting to pay off my debts. Fiftey five for my mom, for paying my phone bill, and a little extra for interest, fifteen to Autumn who paid for me to go to the haunted house (which was incredibly good) and hopefully after ALL of that I'll have some money to go to a haunted house with Joe, because I really want to.
Second, I hope the marching band festival goes late, and that my band doesn't perform until late so I can see them (seeing that I have to work that day)
Third. SO my mom is mad at her best friends (no, scratch that) shes upset, and masking it as madness. She didn't get invited to something, and it's really stirring up some old thoughts and totally the same exact feelings some of my old friends did to me.
Fourth. So I had an epiphany. I was listening to "Lighters" by eminem, right? A song that I really wasn't that into, until I forced myself to listen to and now it's like my coming up anthem! I listen to it over and over, because like, it just boosts my entire day! And then, I was missing my friend joe, like to the max. I seriously just need to see him, and just snuggle him. Which probably sounds utterly ridiculous, but I just want to hug him, and fall asleep, and I want to make him okay, right? And then, I realized. My friend joe, sounds exactly like Eminem. And I got that warm fuzzy feeling (haha get the reference?) and I was driving the truck in utter serenity, because it felt like I was with joe, and everything was just okay.
Which is another thing. I learned to drive a stick shift, and have been borrowing my moms truck, I love it. But as with borrowing things, my mom gets mad and wants to take them away, even if she isn't going to use it, idk, some power trip shit. It feels alot like my own car, and earlier today she yelled at me about having the music too loud, which I probably did, but it was ridiculous because I was just jamming to Lighters, and if I have it really loud, the bass kinda thumps in my heart, right? And it makes me definately gets this euphoric kind of high.
Thats right, I got high. Naturally. Which is funny, because smoking Miss Jane does the same thing, and it's natural, because it's a plant. But thats not what I'm talking about.
FOR ALL YOU READERS! (yes, that means you, you, people that aren't reading, that I'm going to address anyways)
I do NOT smoke pot, and DO NOT get high from the use of illegal substances. I was using it as a statement to say I got the on top of the world feeling from listening to my music, and just feeling alright with the world.
Which scares me, I'm either someone that can get high without drugs, or, I had the realization of what a happy person feels like all the time. Which, I wish I could feel like that all the time, I do, because I feel so on top of the world, like I could do anything, and everything is okay, and it's so pecefully relaxing. And so I guess I'm addicted to that feeling of okayness. Which I rarely ever get. And I miss it, I used to have it so much more often, and now I just don't.
I'm starting to wonder if I should be on depression medication.
The only bad thing is as much as I don't want to feel this sadness, I want to feel, I don't want to be numb like any other doped up American, I just want to be happier.
Which brings me to my next point.
I'm dreaming so vastly of getting an Apartment.
but as I long for it, and getting out of my moms house (again)
I came to realize. YesI can save up for an apartment, and eventually I'll get one, and yes I can go to school and eventually get a degree in something or another. But then what?
Yes I'd get a job I love, and that would be great! But then I'm sure after a while it would be like playing a video game without knowing what to do, or waiting for a quest or something.
You just waste your time, and idle life away waiting for the next big thing, and the next amazing life changing moment, or the next thing you succeed at.
And when you do, then what?
Well I'm sure all you nonreaders have read enough of my senseless jabber.
My mind dump is empty :D
Sunday, October 2
Today
Today was such a good day!!!! I had a wonderful time! I was driving a stick shift for the first time, and hanging with my Aunt Barbie. Yeah, good day :D
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