Well, let's see. After my last post, I made /the/ call. The call to my moms best friend that I was going to finnally commit suicide.
She talked me down, thank god.
I'm doing okay. Haven't seen Andres or Angelique. And I honestly \don't care.
Back down to 146.2
Can't stop thinking about that sexy boney bitch I'm gonna be when I can fit into a swim suit and not be all gross and flabby.
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label suicide. Show all posts
Monday, March 19
Sunday, March 18
I don't know why I did it
Last night. Shit hit the fan with Andres.
Well.
Not really, it happened before last night.
Well.
Let's see, I was texting him, blah blah blah, and all of a sudden he said he couldn't come over, and then I told him he had a lame excuse, and he said I was calling him a liar, I was hung up on him, I was rushing into things, and I didn't understand his situation.
I told him, I liked him, there was nothing to rush into, I do understand his position, and I never called him a liar.
He stopped speaking to me.
Last night, I had a panic attack at work and started crying when I saw him.
He asked why I was crying, and I said it's because I was so angry at myself for fucking things up like I do so well.
He didn't say anything.
Then, Angelique last night, was flirting with him, in front of me, talking about how she couldn't wait til they went to the movies,and thats when I lost my shit.
I stormed away from my register, went back to returns, started throwing shit, and when my friend Ester came back to comfort me, I burst into hysterics, shaking I was so mad, and I just couldn't stop spewing to Ester my issue.
I got to my car, and started sobbing, and hitting the wheel.
I considered driving off the road. IT made me feel better.
I got home safely.
I talked to Chasingperfection about my issue.
She let me know I'm NOT going crazy.
But I feel like it.
I went to bed. I tried to fast yesterday but ended up eating a couple hot wings and a sprite.
thats 390 calories.
I burned 145 calories.
Last time I check the scale I was down to 149.8
Which I think is lower then the last weight I posted, but before that I was at 146.2.
But I did start my period. I dunno.
Im depressed.
Again.
Well.
Not really, it happened before last night.
Well.
Let's see, I was texting him, blah blah blah, and all of a sudden he said he couldn't come over, and then I told him he had a lame excuse, and he said I was calling him a liar, I was hung up on him, I was rushing into things, and I didn't understand his situation.
I told him, I liked him, there was nothing to rush into, I do understand his position, and I never called him a liar.
He stopped speaking to me.
Last night, I had a panic attack at work and started crying when I saw him.
He asked why I was crying, and I said it's because I was so angry at myself for fucking things up like I do so well.
He didn't say anything.
Then, Angelique last night, was flirting with him, in front of me, talking about how she couldn't wait til they went to the movies,and thats when I lost my shit.
I stormed away from my register, went back to returns, started throwing shit, and when my friend Ester came back to comfort me, I burst into hysterics, shaking I was so mad, and I just couldn't stop spewing to Ester my issue.
I got to my car, and started sobbing, and hitting the wheel.
I considered driving off the road. IT made me feel better.
I got home safely.
I talked to Chasingperfection about my issue.
She let me know I'm NOT going crazy.
But I feel like it.
I went to bed. I tried to fast yesterday but ended up eating a couple hot wings and a sprite.
thats 390 calories.
I burned 145 calories.
Last time I check the scale I was down to 149.8
Which I think is lower then the last weight I posted, but before that I was at 146.2.
But I did start my period. I dunno.
Im depressed.
Again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)