All You Need Is Love

Alright, so last night I was supposed to eat 500 calories. I did that and in excersize I burned like (not really anything, maybe 100) I didn't go to the gym and basically sat around my house all day. BUT!

I did go out with club guy (his name is Matt, which is funny because so was the mall guy!)

Anyways, we went to the movies last night, Mission Impossible, which, I really wasn't watching, and then, all of a sudden, we just got really close and snuggly in the movie theater, and I was like :D and we left early.

So we drive to his house (and I'm in these fucking heels that I can't walk in, because I bust a nerve in my toe on my birthday from heels, and it's all numb and I can't feel it, but apparently heels were a good shoe choice last night :P) and we fooled around, a little. But then I put on my shoes with that impending guilt feeling, and I'm like, here we go again, just another one night stand...

And he goes, "You can hang out for a little bit"

SO OF COURSE$ I DID! He played guitar (awfully, but I pretended to be sorta into it) for me, and then we sat on his couch and just snuggeled. Then we go in his room and start making out (he's gotta thing for that apparently) and we're laying on his bed all curled up together and I was like rubbing his sides (just his sides! I promise!) and he starts squirming and laughing, and I'm like "Wait! Are you ticklish?" which at that point, I can't stop, so we're having a tickle kissing rollig around laying on each other fest!

And then we just laid there and talked.

And then we both fell asleep, and then I realized it was two in the morning and I had to go home. So I kissed him, and he walked me out, and I ran to my car.

Last night, was AMAZING.

500 calories again today.

Morning Ladies

Hey guys, so I know yesterday I said I would continue my post, but I was exhausted!

Anyways. So, let's see. New Years?

AWESOME! Besides my ridiculous binge.

So I got home from work to find what on the oven?

Potato Skins.

Those damn things! I sat in the living room and debated eating them, and decided against it, and as I was on my way out the door, I ran in the kitchen, and ate all three.

So then I got to my friends house, and they had made cupcake batter. Chocolate, cupcake batter.

So, we sat, and proceeded to eat the bowl of cupcake mix. All of it. Then, we drank 2 bottles of sparkeling cider, and to top that, I ate about 5 pringles!

And I didn't even attempt to purge.

But! For the better part, most of the night we were on chatroulette, fucking around.

And then, we met this French guy named Marc.

And we talked and talked and talked, and I kinda think he's groovy as hell! Not in love, nothing like that but, damn the french are romantic!

Then yesterday I was fasting. And in my breakroom at work, there was, you guessed it, more chocolate cake. I was so worried about eating it, thankfully by the time my lunch came around it was GONE! I have never been so happy to see NO chcolate cake.

So I fasted just fine, but was exhausted. But I have been talking to the club guy. And he wants to hang out, he wants to go to the hookah bar, which im cool with, I'm just broke as a joke, and dont know what to tell him.

So then this morning I got up at like three (couldn't sleep) was going to play Zumba, the dancing game, but figured three in the morning+dancing= woken up grouchy siblings, and that was something I didn't want.

So I played fable 3 for a bit, then did Pilates, for 20 minutes, and I plan on going to the gym today.

Good news! Back down to 151.4 (thank god!) now just getting down to 98 lbs, shouldn't be too hard. (Yes it should, I'm just hoping its not)
Which I did calculate, and to get down to 98 pounds by about May, I should be losing .36 pounds a day, which is kinda scary. Which means, I should be burning like, 1260 calories, ON TOP of what I eat. Which is hard, especially when I can't always make it to the gym.

Well. I guess we'll wait and see.

Have a good day ladies! Stay Strong

After Work

Alright, so today I've been posting like crazy, as well as moping around like crazy. Well, so you all heard (I assume) about the mall guy, right?Well, his name is Matt, and he makes me want to stab myself.So I told you how last night we had sex?

Yeah then I told you about how he got that other girls number. Great.

So today he told me he would call, and I knew he wouldn't (I've been in enough of these situations to know better)

So, I instead texted him saying "Wow, so much for calling"

and he texts back, "My bad my phone died" Which I call bullshit.

Anyways, I call him, and I start yelling at him about how fucked up it was and he was like, it was just a joke, and I was like, whatever, I'm at work, bye -click- and so he texts:

I'm sorry I really am, I didn't know it would hurt you.

So I'm kind of a sap for that shit, but this time I knew better then to fall for it, so I said "Really? I knew from the get go all you wanted was sex"

and he texts "I don't want to break your heart, but I have to tell you something."

And the whole time I'm thinking "Break my heart?! Don't flatter yourself" but I text "What? You don't want to talk to me anymore? It was all about sex? Your not ready for a relationship? I'm not dumb, I knew when you didn't bother to stick around after we did it I was a hussy to you,"

And he texts back. "No not really."

So I angriliy reply "Then what the fuck is it?"

And he types "Well, I can't be in a relationship right now, I have a GIRLFRIEND (note, i capitalized for effect) that I've been with for TWO YEARS now, and I[ve never cheated on her, except with you. Can we still be friends"

me- "Fuck buddies or friends?"
him- "Whatever, see you later then"
me- "No, fucking tell me, theres a difference and I need to know"
him- "Just friends, I love her, but I really like you"
me- "I dunno"
him- "please"
me- "Give me time to be pissed off, then I'll see"

End of conversation.

I dunno still. I'm mad, and slightly heart broken, even though I wouldn't call it that, I guess I'm disappointed with myself.

So then today,I went and bought a scale. I gained back 3 pounds due to the holidays.
I feel like crying, and yet I've been doing well my last two days on the ABC diet.

I guess I just need to work out like a crazy fool tommorow.

I've only eaten 200 calories today, but I'm feeling hungry again. So I might go for a yogurt, because I think if I eat any more soup I'm going to throw up (not neccesarily a bad thing at this point)

But this whole Matt situation makes me feel like hurling, all and nothing I ate.

He makes me want to binge. But those three pounds hold me back from that.

Another Shout out to Gymnast for being so awesome, and I love her! She's seriously the best support out there :D

Recite the ABCs

So I guess after my fast/binge spree I need to restart the ABC diet. Today I'm too hungry to fast. I'm also on the period from he'll. Now normally I get my periods every three months ish (without birth control, it's just naturally. Happened ever since I have had it) but this one has gone on for about three weka non stop, not always heavy bleeding, but like when I pee it's bloody, ya know? It's so irritating, because I always get hungry around my period, which is why I think have failed on my first round of the ABC. Fuck I want it to be done. I'm also taking some carb interceptors, which is really the only thing making me feel better about my binge last night. I'm only going 100 calories today, because I'll be mostly at work and won't have time to eat and then tonight I'm house sittig for my aunt, and she never really has food, and I can resist food a little easier when it's just myself. So I'm going to go eat some 10 calorie jello. Drink more water. And maybe I'll feel normal, and not like I'm going to pass out. Stay strong everyone and have a good day.

Pretty Proud With Not Enough Self Control.

So everyone, yesterday I had a very successful fast. I didn't eat anything all day. I was going to fast again today, but I know I don't have enough self control and I'll binge. So instead I'm eating 100 calories. Sugarfree jello breakfast is my best friend. Finnally started taking my weight loss pills again. And so, I'm back on track. I will be skinny on my birthday!!!!!