I don't know why I did it

Last night. Shit hit the fan with Andres.

Well.

Not really, it happened before last night.

Well.

Let's see, I was texting him, blah blah blah, and all of a sudden he said he couldn't come over, and then I told him he had a lame excuse, and he said I was calling him a liar, I was hung up on him, I was rushing into things, and I didn't understand his situation.

I told him, I liked him, there was nothing to rush into, I do understand his position, and I never called him a liar.

He stopped speaking to me.

Last night, I had a panic attack at work and started crying when I saw him.

He asked why I was crying, and I said it's because I was so angry at myself for fucking things up like I do so well.

He didn't say anything.

Then, Angelique last night, was flirting with him, in front of me, talking about how she couldn't wait til they went to the movies,and thats when I lost my shit.

I stormed away from my register, went back to returns, started throwing shit, and when my friend Ester came back to comfort me, I burst into hysterics, shaking I was so mad, and I just couldn't stop spewing to Ester my issue.

I got to my car, and started sobbing, and hitting the wheel.

I considered driving off the road. IT made me feel better.

I got home safely.

I talked to Chasingperfection about my issue.

She let me know I'm NOT going crazy.

But I feel like it.

I went to bed. I tried to fast yesterday but ended up eating a couple hot wings and a sprite.

thats 390 calories.

I burned 145 calories.

Last time I check the scale I was down to 149.8

Which I think is lower then the last weight I posted, but before that I was at 146.2.

But I did start my period. I dunno.

Im depressed.

Again.