My Roller Coaster

Hmmm. Let's see. Where do I begin.

So. Not doing well after the whole hospital thing. It was because I wasn't eating.

And I've put on weight again, because I dunno. Like. I look at food and gain.

I binged today despite protesting in my head.

I feel very tired. All the time, again.

Things with Bryan?

Well. He didn't come over, for a few more nights. And when he did, I asked him if he would like to go out. He said not while he was figuring his life out. So I asked "never?" and he said "Well thats rude!" and I said "No, no one ever has their life figured out!" and he laughed and said, well, let me get at least a plan.

Soooo, then we had sex. blah. blah blah.

The next day at work I was bombarded with "Ohhh, so you and Bryan?"

and I was like, uhhhh. Cuz I hadn't told anyone.

So when he came over, I laughed and told him I was gonna give him a bunch of hickeys so that everyone at work would see what we did.

Mission accomplished. He drove me to work the next day so politely.

We get to work. It's all going good. Everyone finds out what we did.

And then. Shit blew up.

Angelique told Bryan that I had an STD.

Which I don't.

He won't talk to me now.

Well, correction, he didn't talk to me, said he needed a few days to blow it over, and today when I text him, he saidddddd.

"I'm sorry, I'm not the guy for you"

when I asked why, he said

"Really, we are not common at all, I'm looking for someone with substance"

I believe him that I don't have substance.

But then.

There is this other guy. Dale. I met him at work. And he is.

EVERYTHING I have been looking for.

He took me to a fancy steakhouse.

And we had shit in common.

He liked to read, and like study, and talk, and listens to good music, and. He's a good guy.

He even paid for dinner. The best freakin fish tacos I have ever had!

Anyways, afterwards we went to Lookout Mountain. Which has an entire view of the city. The lights were beautiful!!!!

And then.

He goes, I have something to show you.

So, he takes me down this path, and into this pretty little valley, and goes, "Look up" and when I looked up the stars. Where. wow.

Like.

The most amazing view of the stars I've seen in a while wow.

And he kisses me.

We then curled up in his truck (cuz it was cold) looked at the view, and talked :D

he came to my house and stuff happened, and he spent the night. The next day he so sweetly gave me a ride to work.

Thats when shit went down with Bryan.

And it's weird, because this guy is perfect, and yet, I don't feel the normal, OMG! I'm away from him for ten seconds, I must follow him around like a puppy kind of like I normally do.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

HE asked me out, like, girlfriend wise and I said yes.

Last night he took me out to chinese food, super yummy, it was the only thing I ate all day.

Ate another doughnut just now.

Feeling so fat. Miss feeling skinny. Happy. And I dunno. Alive.