I had a calorie binge weekend before a week of strict fasting and calorie counting... I've had this plan for a while now. But. I got more motivation last night....
But to begin, I spent an AMAZING weekend with Matt. AS USUAL.
We went and saw Interstellar, had sex nine million times, hung out with his friends, had more sex, ate, watched TV, cuddeled, and had more sex. Basically how it works.
He is so amazing.
I guess I should give you some background on him.
He's 26, he's six foot. Gorgeous. He travels alot for his job, but, it's nice job. He has an interesting past and we have so much in common.
Well.... Except for this.
He's only slept with 3 people. And I'm one of them.
So. That puts me in kind of a weird position. His first girlfriend had only slept with 2 people, and his ex was (is now?) a lesbian. And then there is me.
He tells me Ive the best he's ever had. WELL OF COURSE I AM IVE HAD LIKE TONS OF EXPERIENCE!!!!
It doesn't bother me, because he keeps up and ups the ante in between the sheets, and I definitely enjoy that.
We rented Sex Tape last night and after having to pause the movie (twice) to stop and have sex, he tells me he has a sex tape. What?! I've had sex with like.... a ton of people (wow Destany, wow) and I don't have a sex tape!!!
So he shows it to me.
Annnnnnnnd here we go. So. His first girlfriend was heavy, heavier then me. And Rachel (ex/the lesbian) is TINY, like size 00.
Anyways. This video is with his first girlfriend, so I shouldnt be fucked up right? I shouldnt just lose it about how hot he is, and how much I dont deserve him. I shouldnt get body issues with someone who Ive been told I look better then.
AND YET I somehow manage to amaze myself and hate myself all night.
Hence my motivation for this week. I can't do this being fat ANYMORE.
I lost so much weight with Oliver. And now I'm back to square one. And it's rough. But I want Matt to flaunt me (not like he doesnt already, but, insert dysmorphia) and so I'm done.
Nothing but diet soda (fuck you I LOVE diet soda. Everything gives you cancer nowadays so let me have it!) and salad.
NOTHING.
Diet pills for days. I'm done being fat.
I suppose I owe you some pictures as well!!
So here's me. A whopping 176 lbs.
Matt and I at Breakfast
Matt and I being goofy!
My happy baby <3 br="">
Love you readers. Hope to hear from you.
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