I'm probably going to post about my AMAZING day tommorow.
Just cuz I'm not really in the mood to blog currently. (Not that I don't love you ladies)
BUT! I didn't eat very well today, and! It's dance night!
In the mood to turn up some jams.
Throw on some shorts. and high heels. And dance til I pass out!!!
<3 y'all.
Tuesday, January 31
Too Excited
I'm too excited to sleep, I get to hang with Greg today, and I get to pick him up after I drop my aunt off at work. I'm so excited I can't sleep!!!!
I'll post more later I'm sure :D
I'll post more later I'm sure :D
Monday, January 30
Bleh to Woo
I love when a day turns around.
After I went to the gym, it was just like, I got out all my anger and was so chill, and happy and everything!!
2000 calories! (Not including the food I ate though)
But thats my all time high!!!!
But I got on the scale and was 149.8
Depressing because I gained after I lost so much, but I'll get there!
I saw something today that said to watch your words because if you say your going to fail, you will.
Which I kind of believe.
So.
Day 18
My weakness food? Oreos. Or Chips Ahoy. Or Chocolate. Or really anything sweet. I'm a sweet tooth, but occasionally I go on a salty binge.
This is a picture of my favorite place. My Aunt Barbies house!! Besides the fact that Barbie is cool as hell, I just love her house, so serene, and her doggies are good snuggle buddies :D
Day 19
The last time I ate fast food? :S I really don't remember. Does Subway count as fast food? Because then today. I assume a few weeks ago, but I honestly don't remember.
A picture of a habit I wish I didn't have?
This is me on my 17th birthday. Eating. I wish I didn't eat. No. Correction. I wish I didn't binge.
But. Shit happens.
I WILL BE THIN!
Off to read your blogs! Night ladies!!!
After I went to the gym, it was just like, I got out all my anger and was so chill, and happy and everything!!
2000 calories! (Not including the food I ate though)
But thats my all time high!!!!
But I got on the scale and was 149.8
Depressing because I gained after I lost so much, but I'll get there!
I saw something today that said to watch your words because if you say your going to fail, you will.
Which I kind of believe.
So.
Day 18
My weakness food? Oreos. Or Chips Ahoy. Or Chocolate. Or really anything sweet. I'm a sweet tooth, but occasionally I go on a salty binge.
This is a picture of my favorite place. My Aunt Barbies house!! Besides the fact that Barbie is cool as hell, I just love her house, so serene, and her doggies are good snuggle buddies :D
Day 19
The last time I ate fast food? :S I really don't remember. Does Subway count as fast food? Because then today. I assume a few weeks ago, but I honestly don't remember.
A picture of a habit I wish I didn't have?
This is me on my 17th birthday. Eating. I wish I didn't eat. No. Correction. I wish I didn't binge.
But. Shit happens.
I WILL BE THIN!
Off to read your blogs! Night ladies!!!
Slit Throat
Alright, so I haven't been on in a few days, because I've been like crazy.
Anyways not much has been going on. The other day I was crazy busy at work. Two and a half hours of dealing with a guy I had to personally shop for. He was a pain in the ass, but I was happy to be away from the register.
But I guess my story starts at last night.
So my mom let me go get Greg from work.
And I brought him to my house to meet my mom.
Well he was high, but it wasn't really a major deal. And my mom didn't even notice.
But then, fucking Glynna (who is my mom's friend, who has been living with us, and all that bullshit) goes and uses the truck.
And I ask her if she wants to make brownies with me (I was making them for Greg) and she's like, yeah in a minute, and so Im like awesome.
Then she goes, "who's smoking pot?" and goes and tells my mom.
She kept giving me shitty looks the rest of the night, and finnally after I took Greg home, my mom comes out, and starts asking me if I've been smoking pot. I told her Greg smoked at work.
But I'm pissed. Like he didn't have a chance, and FUCKING GLYNNA ruined it.
So he gets high, so does her boyfriend, and he fucking lives on our couch too! I want to fucking slit her throat right now.
I'm just so pissed.
And I've been eating like shit. And I'm getting fat. And I haven't even checked the scale, becaus eI don't want to know what it will say.
I hate life right now.
I hate myself right now.
Is it even worht it right now?
Anyways not much has been going on. The other day I was crazy busy at work. Two and a half hours of dealing with a guy I had to personally shop for. He was a pain in the ass, but I was happy to be away from the register.
But I guess my story starts at last night.
So my mom let me go get Greg from work.
And I brought him to my house to meet my mom.
Well he was high, but it wasn't really a major deal. And my mom didn't even notice.
But then, fucking Glynna (who is my mom's friend, who has been living with us, and all that bullshit) goes and uses the truck.
And I ask her if she wants to make brownies with me (I was making them for Greg) and she's like, yeah in a minute, and so Im like awesome.
Then she goes, "who's smoking pot?" and goes and tells my mom.
She kept giving me shitty looks the rest of the night, and finnally after I took Greg home, my mom comes out, and starts asking me if I've been smoking pot. I told her Greg smoked at work.
But I'm pissed. Like he didn't have a chance, and FUCKING GLYNNA ruined it.
So he gets high, so does her boyfriend, and he fucking lives on our couch too! I want to fucking slit her throat right now.
I'm just so pissed.
And I've been eating like shit. And I'm getting fat. And I haven't even checked the scale, becaus eI don't want to know what it will say.
I hate life right now.
I hate myself right now.
Is it even worht it right now?
Saturday, January 28
Chocolate.
I ate too much of it today.
So, first off I should note, I went to work, and had the most pain in the ass customer ALL DAY!
So my manager comes up and is like "go shopping for this guy, he will give you a list, and go get everything for him" so I do just that. Just like he asks. So then we're checking him out, and his card gets declined. But apparently /I'm/ incompatant asshole because it didn't work.
Four managers and two and a half hours later, he finnally left.
Without his groceries.
Then on my lunch break I went and bought a pregnancy test.
I've been worried about it, not going to lie.
Especially with everything I've been doing with Greg, and afte rmy mom and I got into it. Now normally, having sex without a condom is a very normal thing for me. I've never really been worried about getting pregnant (not that I think I could handle a kid) but I just almost feel, invincible to pregnancy (which is fucking stupid, because I'm not, but. still)
Anyways, the other day, at work, I was out of the blue gagging like I was going to throw up, and my stomach was flipping out.
So I was EXTREMLY worried.
But thankfully, I took a test (first time ever, and I had to read the instructions and everything) and it came back negative.
Which is enough to ease my head.
After that I celebrated with a Hershey with Almonds bar. They're my favorite.
Then. A few minutes later I bought a Snicker with Almonds bar. Because I couldn't afford another Hersheys ($1.24 instead of .74)
then. me and one of my coworkers were jacking around, and we went and bought chocolate doughnuts.
I feel so sick, and puffy. and bloated.
I work at 11:30 tommorow until eight thirty.
So hopefully no eating :D
I want to drop these pounds off.
Missing you ladies! Hope you guys have a good night.
So, first off I should note, I went to work, and had the most pain in the ass customer ALL DAY!
So my manager comes up and is like "go shopping for this guy, he will give you a list, and go get everything for him" so I do just that. Just like he asks. So then we're checking him out, and his card gets declined. But apparently /I'm/ incompatant asshole because it didn't work.
Four managers and two and a half hours later, he finnally left.
Without his groceries.
Then on my lunch break I went and bought a pregnancy test.
I've been worried about it, not going to lie.
Especially with everything I've been doing with Greg, and afte rmy mom and I got into it. Now normally, having sex without a condom is a very normal thing for me. I've never really been worried about getting pregnant (not that I think I could handle a kid) but I just almost feel, invincible to pregnancy (which is fucking stupid, because I'm not, but. still)
Anyways, the other day, at work, I was out of the blue gagging like I was going to throw up, and my stomach was flipping out.
So I was EXTREMLY worried.
But thankfully, I took a test (first time ever, and I had to read the instructions and everything) and it came back negative.
Which is enough to ease my head.
After that I celebrated with a Hershey with Almonds bar. They're my favorite.
Then. A few minutes later I bought a Snicker with Almonds bar. Because I couldn't afford another Hersheys ($1.24 instead of .74)
then. me and one of my coworkers were jacking around, and we went and bought chocolate doughnuts.
I feel so sick, and puffy. and bloated.
I work at 11:30 tommorow until eight thirty.
So hopefully no eating :D
I want to drop these pounds off.
Missing you ladies! Hope you guys have a good night.
My Stomach Hurts
And thats that. On top of cramps (thank god, at least I'm not pregnant.) I've been eating so much shit thay my stomach doesn't even know what to do. It goes through me like liquid, but in the mean time, makes me feel like shit.
Not much else to say, cuz lately has been pretty boring.
got to see Greg last night, and I missed him. Alot.
Day 16
I first decided I needed to lose weight? Well. I've struggeled with it all through highschool, but I think it was when I took a picture with my sister and I had a double chin. NOT OKAY!!! So I decided I needed a drastic change, especially knowing how I binge and overeat.
Thats me and some of my best friends. They've always been there for me when I needed them.
Day 17
Yes, I have an eating disorder. I'm a compulsive over eater. And when I'm not I'm an OCD calorie counter. And it's a problem, but I'm working on things.
My biggest insecurity is my weight. Whatever the scale says is god in my eyes. And I hate it.
Not much else to say, cuz lately has been pretty boring.
got to see Greg last night, and I missed him. Alot.
Day 16
I first decided I needed to lose weight? Well. I've struggeled with it all through highschool, but I think it was when I took a picture with my sister and I had a double chin. NOT OKAY!!! So I decided I needed a drastic change, especially knowing how I binge and overeat.
Thats me and some of my best friends. They've always been there for me when I needed them.
Day 17
Yes, I have an eating disorder. I'm a compulsive over eater. And when I'm not I'm an OCD calorie counter. And it's a problem, but I'm working on things.
My biggest insecurity is my weight. Whatever the scale says is god in my eyes. And I hate it.
Thursday, January 26
Some Things I Never Wanted To Do
Some things I never wanted to do.
Have a discussion with my mom about having unprotected sex.
Have a discussion with my mom about my eating disorder.
Be afraid to post on my blog because of it's damning evidence.
But I don't care.
I am what I am, and there it is.
But I have new followers and I could cry I'm so excited.
I got on the scale today and weigh 147.8
My lowest.
My size nine work pants kept falling really low on me today. And it made me heart leap times a million.
Eating disorders are all about control. And I feel so happy, because when I do good like this, I know it's my control (I guess, even though lately, I've been OUT OF CONTROL) a feeling i dislike.
My moms friend keeps te (damn I just broke my nail!) telling me that I'm starving myself. True, but I'm not going to tell her that. In fact, it's pissing me off.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
I'm glad they're worried. but, I'm not glad they monitor what I eat.
Like the stuffing, and the mashed potatoes, and three bites of porkchop I HAD to eat today.
390 calories.
Not to mention my two oranges I ate today.
470.
an icky number.
Three days of posts insuing!
Day 13
My losing weight is unhealthy, yes. But it's getting the results I want. And I'm okay with that.
Thats Eminem. Who is my ALL TIME FAVORITE artist. Because, I always feel like he's talking to ME when he sings a song. and if not to me, about me.
I love him (besides, isn't he sexy?!)
Lady Gaga is second,. Not only is she SEXY. SMART.
She's so inspiring.
Day fourteen.
Ultimate goal weight? 98 pounds, and I hope when I get there, it's enough. I hope to get there by bikini season :D
These are my babies, and I couldn't imagine my life without them. For 15 years I was an only child.
But now, I love my babies :D
Day 16
I'm not a vegan or a vegitarian, and I probably couldn't knew too many people that were.
And, I barely have enough control to avoid food, let alone like. Animal products.
I want to have a gorgeus, REALLY EXPENSIVE wedding before I die. Sounds dumb, and un realistic. But I want it.
Anyways, thanks for the support ladies, and I love that you guys enjoyed the Gaga speech!
I'm off to bed.
Have a discussion with my mom about having unprotected sex.
Have a discussion with my mom about my eating disorder.
Be afraid to post on my blog because of it's damning evidence.
But I don't care.
I am what I am, and there it is.
But I have new followers and I could cry I'm so excited.
I got on the scale today and weigh 147.8
My lowest.
My size nine work pants kept falling really low on me today. And it made me heart leap times a million.
Eating disorders are all about control. And I feel so happy, because when I do good like this, I know it's my control (I guess, even though lately, I've been OUT OF CONTROL) a feeling i dislike.
My moms friend keeps te (damn I just broke my nail!) telling me that I'm starving myself. True, but I'm not going to tell her that. In fact, it's pissing me off.
JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!
I'm glad they're worried. but, I'm not glad they monitor what I eat.
Like the stuffing, and the mashed potatoes, and three bites of porkchop I HAD to eat today.
390 calories.
Not to mention my two oranges I ate today.
470.
an icky number.
Three days of posts insuing!
Day 13
My losing weight is unhealthy, yes. But it's getting the results I want. And I'm okay with that.
Thats Eminem. Who is my ALL TIME FAVORITE artist. Because, I always feel like he's talking to ME when he sings a song. and if not to me, about me.
I love him (besides, isn't he sexy?!)
Lady Gaga is second,. Not only is she SEXY. SMART.
She's so inspiring.
Day fourteen.
Ultimate goal weight? 98 pounds, and I hope when I get there, it's enough. I hope to get there by bikini season :D
These are my babies, and I couldn't imagine my life without them. For 15 years I was an only child.
But now, I love my babies :D
Day 16
I'm not a vegan or a vegitarian, and I probably couldn't knew too many people that were.
And, I barely have enough control to avoid food, let alone like. Animal products.
I want to have a gorgeus, REALLY EXPENSIVE wedding before I die. Sounds dumb, and un realistic. But I want it.
Anyways, thanks for the support ladies, and I love that you guys enjoyed the Gaga speech!
I'm off to bed.
Wednesday, January 25
Train Wreck
My mom read my blog.
I'll post more later.
148.2 the lowest I've ever been.
I'm an utter train wreck today.
I'll post more later.
148.2 the lowest I've ever been.
I'm an utter train wreck today.
Monday, January 23
When You Dont Know What Else To Feel
Today has just been a weird ass day.
So I told you last night my brother had the seizure? Well he's fine, they think when he hit his head, the shock josteled him too much, and thats what caused it.
I dunno, today EVERYTHING was extremly loud.
I had a binge day today, if you didn't read it on the Ana/Mia Chronicles.
Tried to get it out of my system. Feeling good about it.
Saw Greg today, went to the store to buy a few things, and we were on the phone, when I turned into the cereal isle and he was standing there. He was buying his mom cornflakes, and we had no idea we were at the store. It was great.
So I'm slightly panicked.
I've been borrowing my moms friends laptop lately to post stuff.
And today she goes "We need to sit down and talk"
and I kinda blew it off and whatnot. Cuz like a few seconds later she asked if I could give her a ride, which is what I figured it was about.
But then she let me borrow her laptop again.
and she had been on it for quite a while.
And I opened it to the Ana/Mia Chronicles, and I was logged in.
So. I'm a little freaked out.
Anyways, it will be fine.
So today I was watching Lady Gaga's Monster Ball Tour (I got the DVD, when I got the CD a week or so ago) And so today, I was watching it. And out of the blue, I stripped down to my booty shorts, and bra, threw on some boots, and danced, the entire way through. Because I could. And she does this "Brave" speech. And, It's so fucking powerful.
It took me forever but I found it.
But I suppose some of you will choose not to watch it. But. I will highlight my favorite part.
“You know I didn’t use to be brave; in fact I wasn’t very brave at all. But you have made me brave, little monsters. And New York made me brave. So now, I’m gonna be brave for you. Tonight I want you to forget all of your insecurities. I want you to reject anyone or anything that’s ever made you feel like you don’t belong or don’t fit in or ever made you feel like you’re not good enough, or pretty enough, or thin enough, or can’t sing well enough, or dance well enough, or write a song well enough, or like you’ll never win a Grammy, or you’ll never sell out Madison Square Garden, you just remember that you’re a goddamn super star and you were born this way!”
God I love her so much.
But I do still want to be thin. And it's because of her powerful speech that I KNOW I can do it. And all the haters that want to judge me, ro say what they will, or what the hell ever.
I am worth it.
I can do it.
I will do it.
So tonight, I danced. Like a weirdo because I fucking wanted to! And I had so much fun.
I also read a book my friends and I wrote in highschool. Laughed my ass off.
Tonight was all about me. And I loved it.
Despite my binge, I feel my hip bones. I want to try and see if I can fit in a smaller size pant. Like I danced today, and it's the first time I've ever "seen" my bones the way I did.
It's the first time I've been down to 149 and can knew it. I'm proud. But I need more. I'll get more.
Day Twelve-
What do I normally eat? thats hard, because I'm so not normal. I'm either obsessing about frosted cookies and devouring boxes of them, or counting calories relentlessly, and feeling sick because I could pass out.
I eat everything. I love food, and fucking hate it at the same time.
something I love? THIS PICTURE! It's perfection. Tattoos, boobs, and hip bones.
I want the moment when I lay down, and my stomach is concave to my hips. I WANT IT!!
By the way. This is kinda outta left field but I think Britney Spears is hot too, and I finnally found this picture where i think she looks AMAZING!
I will get there!! Good night ladies!
So I told you last night my brother had the seizure? Well he's fine, they think when he hit his head, the shock josteled him too much, and thats what caused it.
I dunno, today EVERYTHING was extremly loud.
I had a binge day today, if you didn't read it on the Ana/Mia Chronicles.
Tried to get it out of my system. Feeling good about it.
Saw Greg today, went to the store to buy a few things, and we were on the phone, when I turned into the cereal isle and he was standing there. He was buying his mom cornflakes, and we had no idea we were at the store. It was great.
So I'm slightly panicked.
I've been borrowing my moms friends laptop lately to post stuff.
And today she goes "We need to sit down and talk"
and I kinda blew it off and whatnot. Cuz like a few seconds later she asked if I could give her a ride, which is what I figured it was about.
But then she let me borrow her laptop again.
and she had been on it for quite a while.
And I opened it to the Ana/Mia Chronicles, and I was logged in.
So. I'm a little freaked out.
Anyways, it will be fine.
So today I was watching Lady Gaga's Monster Ball Tour (I got the DVD, when I got the CD a week or so ago) And so today, I was watching it. And out of the blue, I stripped down to my booty shorts, and bra, threw on some boots, and danced, the entire way through. Because I could. And she does this "Brave" speech. And, It's so fucking powerful.
It took me forever but I found it.
But I suppose some of you will choose not to watch it. But. I will highlight my favorite part.
“You know I didn’t use to be brave; in fact I wasn’t very brave at all. But you have made me brave, little monsters. And New York made me brave. So now, I’m gonna be brave for you. Tonight I want you to forget all of your insecurities. I want you to reject anyone or anything that’s ever made you feel like you don’t belong or don’t fit in or ever made you feel like you’re not good enough, or pretty enough, or thin enough, or can’t sing well enough, or dance well enough, or write a song well enough, or like you’ll never win a Grammy, or you’ll never sell out Madison Square Garden, you just remember that you’re a goddamn super star and you were born this way!”
God I love her so much.
But I do still want to be thin. And it's because of her powerful speech that I KNOW I can do it. And all the haters that want to judge me, ro say what they will, or what the hell ever.
I am worth it.
I can do it.
I will do it.
So tonight, I danced. Like a weirdo because I fucking wanted to! And I had so much fun.
I also read a book my friends and I wrote in highschool. Laughed my ass off.
Tonight was all about me. And I loved it.
Despite my binge, I feel my hip bones. I want to try and see if I can fit in a smaller size pant. Like I danced today, and it's the first time I've ever "seen" my bones the way I did.
It's the first time I've been down to 149 and can knew it. I'm proud. But I need more. I'll get more.
Day Twelve-
What do I normally eat? thats hard, because I'm so not normal. I'm either obsessing about frosted cookies and devouring boxes of them, or counting calories relentlessly, and feeling sick because I could pass out.
I eat everything. I love food, and fucking hate it at the same time.
something I love? THIS PICTURE! It's perfection. Tattoos, boobs, and hip bones.
I want the moment when I lay down, and my stomach is concave to my hips. I WANT IT!!
By the way. This is kinda outta left field but I think Britney Spears is hot too, and I finnally found this picture where i think she looks AMAZING!
I will get there!! Good night ladies!
Today.
http://anamiachronicles.blogspot.com/2012/01/stench-of-binge.html
I binged. Read Above.
I don't know how to tell my mom I want to move out. So I'm budgeting.
My brother had a seizure today. He'll be fine, but I feel guilty for feeling so calm about it.
And I smell like god damn onion. And It's pissing me off.
I binged. Read Above.
I don't know how to tell my mom I want to move out. So I'm budgeting.
My brother had a seizure today. He'll be fine, but I feel guilty for feeling so calm about it.
And I smell like god damn onion. And It's pissing me off.
Sunday, January 22
Beginning to Obsess
FUCK!
I'm at that moment before I binge where I begin to obsess about the food. I can't get it out of my head, I go into panic attack mode and I eat the whole damn package.
This time, it's about those damn frosted cookies in the kitchen. Maybe I can go eat a chocolate fudge 45 cal ice cream bar. But. IDK Why is food so frustrating?
I'm at that moment before I binge where I begin to obsess about the food. I can't get it out of my head, I go into panic attack mode and I eat the whole damn package.
This time, it's about those damn frosted cookies in the kitchen. Maybe I can go eat a chocolate fudge 45 cal ice cream bar. But. IDK Why is food so frustrating?
Two Days Worth
Yesterday was so crazy, so I went to go get my glasses, and contacts, and I walked there. Altogether it was a 4.3 mile walk there and back. And at my pace I burned 364 calories. Note, I was also in high heels. And my feet are blistered as fuck, but hey, bet my ass looks great.
also, I stepped on the scale, in my jeans and boots and all my heavy clothes and it read 149. I was shocked. I have been so bad, and still losing? SHOCKED! But the best part was yesterday I only ate an orange (40 cals) a special k bar (90 cals) and 1 1/2 cups of broccoli (45 cals) so I only ate a grand total of 175 cals. I figured that was pretty good.
So lets see. What else. Worked. OH! So I got off work yesterday, and got to go see Greg. We had an amazing night, sat there and talked and well you know, and then just cuddled and fell asleep. Which was great until I woke up at 6 this morning, and realized I had my step dads car and I was going to be in a ton of shit. (Actually I'm sure I'm in a ton of shit now, but my step dad hasn't left yet, so my mom wont slaughter me til then)
Really not too much to post, the last couple of days has been fairly boring.
Today I've already downed a special k bar and 1/2 a cup of broccoli. Not hungry, but avoiding the go ddamn frosted cookies in the kitchen is a bitch.
I went and looked at an apartment yesterday. It was small, but pretty perfect.
Day 10
Losing my sweets. Salty things I'm okay with losing, but like, cookies, and cake, and all those sinfully delicious things that I eat like forty times a day sit in my kitchen and it's hard to avoid them.
If you would have asked me a few weeks ago, I would have told you I would be with Joe in an instant if he wanted. But, things have changed (even if I still love him like I will forever)
But right now this is how I'm feeling I'll be with for a while (same picture as last time, everytime I see it, I grow more fond of it)
Day 11.
MY favorite thinspo blog.... GYMNAST! She always is so happy, and so supportive, she always has great ideas and recipes and she's purdy damn awesome! WOOT WOOT!
Something I hate?
Sweet stuff is the worst. MAKE ME FAT FAT FAT!
also, I stepped on the scale, in my jeans and boots and all my heavy clothes and it read 149. I was shocked. I have been so bad, and still losing? SHOCKED! But the best part was yesterday I only ate an orange (40 cals) a special k bar (90 cals) and 1 1/2 cups of broccoli (45 cals) so I only ate a grand total of 175 cals. I figured that was pretty good.
So lets see. What else. Worked. OH! So I got off work yesterday, and got to go see Greg. We had an amazing night, sat there and talked and well you know, and then just cuddled and fell asleep. Which was great until I woke up at 6 this morning, and realized I had my step dads car and I was going to be in a ton of shit. (Actually I'm sure I'm in a ton of shit now, but my step dad hasn't left yet, so my mom wont slaughter me til then)
Really not too much to post, the last couple of days has been fairly boring.
Today I've already downed a special k bar and 1/2 a cup of broccoli. Not hungry, but avoiding the go ddamn frosted cookies in the kitchen is a bitch.
I went and looked at an apartment yesterday. It was small, but pretty perfect.
Day 10
Losing my sweets. Salty things I'm okay with losing, but like, cookies, and cake, and all those sinfully delicious things that I eat like forty times a day sit in my kitchen and it's hard to avoid them.
If you would have asked me a few weeks ago, I would have told you I would be with Joe in an instant if he wanted. But, things have changed (even if I still love him like I will forever)
But right now this is how I'm feeling I'll be with for a while (same picture as last time, everytime I see it, I grow more fond of it)
Day 11.
MY favorite thinspo blog.... GYMNAST! She always is so happy, and so supportive, she always has great ideas and recipes and she's purdy damn awesome! WOOT WOOT!
Something I hate?
Sweet stuff is the worst. MAKE ME FAT FAT FAT!
Friday, January 20
Much Better Today
So last night I was just in such a mood, you know? I was listening to sad ass music too, which always makes me feel better (but not before it gets worse)
I don't know how many of you are into musicals, but Rent is a very powerful one for me. This song seriously makes me cry everytime. (For all those that watch it with no IDEA what it's about, the first girl singing is an addict, and Angel is in a group (the vanishing people scene) for people with HIV and AIDS. The part where Mimi gives Angel the piece of ice is actually normally when I burst into tears. Never fails.
and I just found this:
It's a little to "pop" esque to be a mega sad song for me. But the words are still powerful.
I think I figured out why I was in such a mood. So. Greg is so amazing, he reminds me of an ex. Alot.
They look really familiar.
When I was 16, I was partying, HARD, and I met this guy Lorne. And he was so handsome, the thought of him made me melt. And one night we were partying with a friend of mine Katee (no longer friends) (technically I met Lorne through her, so they were friends first)
And she asked if I had twenty bucks for some pot. I did, so they were smoking "pot" so I assumed (first experience ever around drugs firsthand)
So I didn't really know. And then we had like this crazy three way.
And in the mix, we ended up breaking a mirror (we were house sitting, so we HAD to fix it!) and that night, he ended up holding me, and just kissing me and curling up with me like Greg does.
And, the next day we went to get a mirror piece to fix it, and he held me the whole way walking there.
The next week I got into a fight with Katee, and he came over, and comforted me, and soothed me.
When I found out he was dealing pot. I wasn't too concerned, it was just pot. Until, I googled how to smoke pot, and basically found out, what Katee and him did that night (they wouldn't let me have any, thank god) were doing meth.
And he went out to deal, and in exchange for a bunch of pot, this guy gave him a huge chunk of black tar heroin. And. Long story short, I caught Lorne smoking some (idk what you do with it, but I caught him doing it.)
And, when he went out to deal again. He got caught. And taken to jail. And I never spoke to him again. But it was the first time I was in "love love" like do anything, could see past all the flaws, couldn't live without him, and went spiraling into hell without him.
It makes me feel better to talk about him. I still love him, but the chance of him ever finding me again are about none. I still have a thread of hope, but I dust it over or else I just become too depressed.
Greg reminds me so much of him. In a good way though. No drugs. (besides pot) and all the great qualities Lorne had. I think (I know it's soon, but I can't help but say it) I think I might be in "love love".
Like I see Greg and everything bad that has happened just melts away and I can just be in the moment with him, and happy with him.
So I think thats why I was sad last night, some remains of Lorne popped up.
Anyways, Barbie was over lats night, and after I finished posting I walked into my bathroom where she was getting ready. She wanted to go out again, and that meant I was DD, I was excited, cuz it was gonna get me out of this funk. So, I got dolled up really nice, and she let me go get Greg, and we took her to the bar, and then him and I went to "Pete's Kitchen" which is by far the best hole in the wall breakfast food diner in all of Colorado.
They have amazing french toast there, which is why going there is a problem. Greg had never been there, and he was extremly hungry, so he ordered like a bunch of stuff, and I stuck with a gyro and bites of his food. We laughed, and talked about getting an apartment, and other stuff.
Then we went and picked Barbie up, and I knew Bryan was there (remember that night? Yeahhhhh) and yet, i didn't feel anything, he saw me with Greg, and on top of it, I don't think he remembers that night. And I'm compltely okay with it.
So Greg and I snuggeled on the couch for a few hours.
This was all down town, and we live about 40 minutes from downtown. And I was very tired. I was dowsing off the whole way driving home, and Greg was so sweet trying to keep me awake so I didn't kill us all.
Didn't get much sleep because we got home at five, and I had to take my aunt to work at seven.
Then I dropped Barbie off at her house (where I was going to nap for an hour) when Greg texted me telling him I had his chain. So I went over to his house, and napped there instead. He was pretty sick today, so I tried to make him feel better, but, I think he just needed to sleep.
My babies came back home from Wyoming today, and I missed them so much! Our house feels so less empty now.
I've been on and off sleeping all day. Like, I was going to post earlier, but I wasn't really in the blogging mood. And like, instead I started looking at apartments because Greg told me too. Which gets me very excited.
He says the sooner the better. And that means the sooner I get out of my house. And it's almost refreshing. It will be so easy to avoid food when you don;t have any in your house.
My house. My house. It sounds so nice.
I may be jumping in too soon, but I've gotta take some fucking risks in my life to get some fucking results.
And then I don't know why but I looked up wedding dresses. They were all so pretty, but I can't be fat in a wedding dress.
And it was all the thinspo I needed. Because I'm back on track ladies. I'm doing this for me. Fat is unacceptable.
I understand this is probably the longest most random ass post I've had, but I'm just kind of spewing everything I've been holding in, and it feels so good.
Day 9.
As a kid I was always pudgy but never thought anything of it, until highschool. I went to a very rich highschool, so all the girls were models (no joke) and skinny and blonde and popular, and the likewise.
As a freshman and sophmore I would walk down the halls and get Twinkies chucked at me, because people thought I was fat. I had guys tell me they would date me if I wasn't such a fatty. I didn't know how to stop loving food though. Which is still funny, I still love it, but when it calls to me and wins, I hate it. I have batteled body issues since then, and thats when I kind of developed my sex addiction. The guys that did want me wanted one thing, and for them to stick around I gave it to them, and I feel sexy when i have sex.
Which makes me feel skinny. Which makes me feel happy. I like feeling happy.
There is so many peopel that get me through my life. And those people are my friends! So here's some pictures of them (both from my bday)
This is Sarah and Autumn, both younger then me, but my friends that get me through all my shit, and can make me laugh, even when I feel friendless!
These are all my other friends, getting me through all the shit in my life. KAty (the girl kissing the guy!) is probably my oldest friend and my best friend for life, we have gotten each other through some shit, but everyone that was there, has helped me out to where I am today :D
Have a good night ladies! Thanks for reading!
I don't know how many of you are into musicals, but Rent is a very powerful one for me. This song seriously makes me cry everytime. (For all those that watch it with no IDEA what it's about, the first girl singing is an addict, and Angel is in a group (the vanishing people scene) for people with HIV and AIDS. The part where Mimi gives Angel the piece of ice is actually normally when I burst into tears. Never fails.
and I just found this:
It's a little to "pop" esque to be a mega sad song for me. But the words are still powerful.
I think I figured out why I was in such a mood. So. Greg is so amazing, he reminds me of an ex. Alot.
They look really familiar.
When I was 16, I was partying, HARD, and I met this guy Lorne. And he was so handsome, the thought of him made me melt. And one night we were partying with a friend of mine Katee (no longer friends) (technically I met Lorne through her, so they were friends first)
And she asked if I had twenty bucks for some pot. I did, so they were smoking "pot" so I assumed (first experience ever around drugs firsthand)
So I didn't really know. And then we had like this crazy three way.
And in the mix, we ended up breaking a mirror (we were house sitting, so we HAD to fix it!) and that night, he ended up holding me, and just kissing me and curling up with me like Greg does.
And, the next day we went to get a mirror piece to fix it, and he held me the whole way walking there.
The next week I got into a fight with Katee, and he came over, and comforted me, and soothed me.
When I found out he was dealing pot. I wasn't too concerned, it was just pot. Until, I googled how to smoke pot, and basically found out, what Katee and him did that night (they wouldn't let me have any, thank god) were doing meth.
And he went out to deal, and in exchange for a bunch of pot, this guy gave him a huge chunk of black tar heroin. And. Long story short, I caught Lorne smoking some (idk what you do with it, but I caught him doing it.)
And, when he went out to deal again. He got caught. And taken to jail. And I never spoke to him again. But it was the first time I was in "love love" like do anything, could see past all the flaws, couldn't live without him, and went spiraling into hell without him.
It makes me feel better to talk about him. I still love him, but the chance of him ever finding me again are about none. I still have a thread of hope, but I dust it over or else I just become too depressed.
Greg reminds me so much of him. In a good way though. No drugs. (besides pot) and all the great qualities Lorne had. I think (I know it's soon, but I can't help but say it) I think I might be in "love love".
Like I see Greg and everything bad that has happened just melts away and I can just be in the moment with him, and happy with him.
So I think thats why I was sad last night, some remains of Lorne popped up.
Anyways, Barbie was over lats night, and after I finished posting I walked into my bathroom where she was getting ready. She wanted to go out again, and that meant I was DD, I was excited, cuz it was gonna get me out of this funk. So, I got dolled up really nice, and she let me go get Greg, and we took her to the bar, and then him and I went to "Pete's Kitchen" which is by far the best hole in the wall breakfast food diner in all of Colorado.
They have amazing french toast there, which is why going there is a problem. Greg had never been there, and he was extremly hungry, so he ordered like a bunch of stuff, and I stuck with a gyro and bites of his food. We laughed, and talked about getting an apartment, and other stuff.
Then we went and picked Barbie up, and I knew Bryan was there (remember that night? Yeahhhhh) and yet, i didn't feel anything, he saw me with Greg, and on top of it, I don't think he remembers that night. And I'm compltely okay with it.
So Greg and I snuggeled on the couch for a few hours.
This was all down town, and we live about 40 minutes from downtown. And I was very tired. I was dowsing off the whole way driving home, and Greg was so sweet trying to keep me awake so I didn't kill us all.
Didn't get much sleep because we got home at five, and I had to take my aunt to work at seven.
Then I dropped Barbie off at her house (where I was going to nap for an hour) when Greg texted me telling him I had his chain. So I went over to his house, and napped there instead. He was pretty sick today, so I tried to make him feel better, but, I think he just needed to sleep.
My babies came back home from Wyoming today, and I missed them so much! Our house feels so less empty now.
I've been on and off sleeping all day. Like, I was going to post earlier, but I wasn't really in the blogging mood. And like, instead I started looking at apartments because Greg told me too. Which gets me very excited.
He says the sooner the better. And that means the sooner I get out of my house. And it's almost refreshing. It will be so easy to avoid food when you don;t have any in your house.
My house. My house. It sounds so nice.
I may be jumping in too soon, but I've gotta take some fucking risks in my life to get some fucking results.
And then I don't know why but I looked up wedding dresses. They were all so pretty, but I can't be fat in a wedding dress.
And it was all the thinspo I needed. Because I'm back on track ladies. I'm doing this for me. Fat is unacceptable.
I understand this is probably the longest most random ass post I've had, but I'm just kind of spewing everything I've been holding in, and it feels so good.
Day 9.
As a kid I was always pudgy but never thought anything of it, until highschool. I went to a very rich highschool, so all the girls were models (no joke) and skinny and blonde and popular, and the likewise.
As a freshman and sophmore I would walk down the halls and get Twinkies chucked at me, because people thought I was fat. I had guys tell me they would date me if I wasn't such a fatty. I didn't know how to stop loving food though. Which is still funny, I still love it, but when it calls to me and wins, I hate it. I have batteled body issues since then, and thats when I kind of developed my sex addiction. The guys that did want me wanted one thing, and for them to stick around I gave it to them, and I feel sexy when i have sex.
Which makes me feel skinny. Which makes me feel happy. I like feeling happy.
There is so many peopel that get me through my life. And those people are my friends! So here's some pictures of them (both from my bday)
This is Sarah and Autumn, both younger then me, but my friends that get me through all my shit, and can make me laugh, even when I feel friendless!
These are all my other friends, getting me through all the shit in my life. KAty (the girl kissing the guy!) is probably my oldest friend and my best friend for life, we have gotten each other through some shit, but everyone that was there, has helped me out to where I am today :D
Have a good night ladies! Thanks for reading!
Thursday, January 19
Why Does It Hurt?
I guess I'm silly, but when you like someone, why does it hurt to be without them?
You know that song "Without You" by David Guetta and Usher? Well thats how I'm feeling currently.
I know thats kinda like a song about people being broke up and stuff, but, I dunno.
In a weird mood tonight. Been thinking lots about my "old life" with my friends, and idk. When I was really happy.
I was really happy today.
I spent all day with Greg.
But I dunno, I'm still sad for some reason. Being vague today, dunno why.
From today. I know no one wants to see my PDA but hey, i thought it was a cute, shitty quality photo.
He says he wants to get an apartment (I know I tend to move WAY TO FAST) but it's something I've been wanting, for. Well. A long time, and I can't do it alone, but with him, maybe.
Feeling lost right now I guess.
Day eight.
My workout routine? I don't really have one.
When I go to the gym I burn 1000 on the bicycle machine, but by myself I use the jillian micheals video and dont burn as much, but focus more muscles better.
Some pictures that make me laugh? I could use that.
Haha so this is the babies eating ice cream. At first glance I was like aw what a sweet picture. THEN I looked closer. and I was like, seriously? Crossed eyes, goonie faces, lol wow guys!
How does this picture not make you laugh? First off, its a tiny peice of wood from my theather class in highschool. The only purple one and I drew a face on it. I just thought it was the saddest little wood ever. And it makes me laugh.
This is my friend Sarah. And thats an alligator hat. That night we were at McDonalds and she kept saying "I'm an alligator" in a preppy stupid girl voice. and i eventually got her to do the "Jaws" theme song as she crawled across the floor along the counter to ask for a refill. Great memories.
I hope I can come out of this funk.
You know that song "Without You" by David Guetta and Usher? Well thats how I'm feeling currently.
I know thats kinda like a song about people being broke up and stuff, but, I dunno.
In a weird mood tonight. Been thinking lots about my "old life" with my friends, and idk. When I was really happy.
I was really happy today.
I spent all day with Greg.
But I dunno, I'm still sad for some reason. Being vague today, dunno why.
From today. I know no one wants to see my PDA but hey, i thought it was a cute, shitty quality photo.
He says he wants to get an apartment (I know I tend to move WAY TO FAST) but it's something I've been wanting, for. Well. A long time, and I can't do it alone, but with him, maybe.
Feeling lost right now I guess.
Day eight.
My workout routine? I don't really have one.
When I go to the gym I burn 1000 on the bicycle machine, but by myself I use the jillian micheals video and dont burn as much, but focus more muscles better.
Some pictures that make me laugh? I could use that.
Haha so this is the babies eating ice cream. At first glance I was like aw what a sweet picture. THEN I looked closer. and I was like, seriously? Crossed eyes, goonie faces, lol wow guys!
How does this picture not make you laugh? First off, its a tiny peice of wood from my theather class in highschool. The only purple one and I drew a face on it. I just thought it was the saddest little wood ever. And it makes me laugh.
This is my friend Sarah. And thats an alligator hat. That night we were at McDonalds and she kept saying "I'm an alligator" in a preppy stupid girl voice. and i eventually got her to do the "Jaws" theme song as she crawled across the floor along the counter to ask for a refill. Great memories.
I hope I can come out of this funk.
Wednesday, January 18
Day Seven
Ohh yeah Forgot to post this, and I'm extremly bored because I have like an hour and a half before I get to go get Greg from work.
Day 6
Yes my family does know I'm trying to lose weight, its insanely impossible with them around though, because they really eat like crap most of the time. But I'm gonna work with what I got.
And I really have a few pictures that just show me in general :D
So I'm totally a goof ball if you get to know me. All these pictures I'm chubby, but I'll be thin. JOURNEY TO BE PERFECT! I love my family beyond belief, and some days I don;t give a shit, which is why I look like shit. These babies are my life. (That's Jehren, the baby of the family (even though he's only like 3 minutes younger then Nathan)
Like I said, I'm a total goofball. These are all my siblings (I call them my babies) left to right, Jaiden's head, Jehren, Me, then Nathan. My life would not be the same without them.
Here's the last picture. I hate and love this picture. I look awful, but it makes me laugh because I look high (even though I totally wasn't!!!) My friends are the second most important thing in my life. And thats me. Photos that show, me. Truly.
Day 6
Yes my family does know I'm trying to lose weight, its insanely impossible with them around though, because they really eat like crap most of the time. But I'm gonna work with what I got.
And I really have a few pictures that just show me in general :D
So I'm totally a goof ball if you get to know me. All these pictures I'm chubby, but I'll be thin. JOURNEY TO BE PERFECT! I love my family beyond belief, and some days I don;t give a shit, which is why I look like shit. These babies are my life. (That's Jehren, the baby of the family (even though he's only like 3 minutes younger then Nathan)
Like I said, I'm a total goofball. These are all my siblings (I call them my babies) left to right, Jaiden's head, Jehren, Me, then Nathan. My life would not be the same without them.
Here's the last picture. I hate and love this picture. I look awful, but it makes me laugh because I look high (even though I totally wasn't!!!) My friends are the second most important thing in my life. And thats me. Photos that show, me. Truly.
WONDERFUL DAY!
Today was a wonderful day! So I went to the hot springs with my mom. IT WAS SO NICE! It's like these natural hot tubs that just take all the gross ickys out of you. And it did just that. I'm on cloud nine right now. Seriously, the only bad part is it makes you incredulously hungry. So my mom and I ate salad, Muenster cheese (I'm a sucker for that lactose gold- as said by Ke$ha) and apple slices. Probably about 500 calories, and Greg and I have been chatting all day, he makes me feel like I've known him for years. Picking him up from work tonight. <3 this feeling.
He says he likes my body. But I still don't yet. There was a girl at the hot springs today that was so skinny, and I was so infatuated with it. If I looked like that, I could be happy :D.
But for right now, I'm on top of the world : D
He says he likes my body. But I still don't yet. There was a girl at the hot springs today that was so skinny, and I was so infatuated with it. If I looked like that, I could be happy :D.
But for right now, I'm on top of the world : D
Hot Springs
So today my mom and I (who hasn't really mentioned anything about our fight, I think she like forgot or something.) are going to the hot springs.
SO COOL. you go in naked (I'm worried because I look like shit) but it's natural caves, and they have these naturally mountain heated springs, that have so many natural minerals and stuff they just take the toxins and chemicals out of your system. Which hopefully means, it will kind of negate some of my binging, and I'll just be able to not binge, and eat so good to day.
So excited, will post later ladies :D
SO COOL. you go in naked (I'm worried because I look like shit) but it's natural caves, and they have these naturally mountain heated springs, that have so many natural minerals and stuff they just take the toxins and chemicals out of your system. Which hopefully means, it will kind of negate some of my binging, and I'll just be able to not binge, and eat so good to day.
So excited, will post later ladies :D
BOYFRIEND STATUS!!!!!!!!!!
Who you may ask?
ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm jumping up and down excited.
So, despite what I had said, remember Matt guy from the mall? The douchey one?
Alright, so I was MEGA desperate tonight, like, I ate a few pieces of chicken, and a roll after making the mistake of going into the kitchen.
But I was like, whatever, so I texted him and said "Look, being straight right now, I really need someone to cuddle with."
And he says "Come over"
So I tell my mom that I'm going to Ester's house (I have mastered lying about where I'm going, I'm ashamed to say)to have a movie marathon.
So I get there, and Matt and I aren't messing around, we're litterally just snuggling, when his friend texts him saying "Come get me from the bus stop" so, Matt looks at me, and I was like, "Uggg I guess."
So, we go get him, and this guy is like "DUDEEE! LETS SMOKE POT!!!"
So basically we go back to Matts house, and they're BLAZED and the room is like hot boxed, and then like outta nowhere, this kid (Greg) and I are like, doing it. (I have a way of doing that don't I?)
Well, now Greg is pretty sexy. Pretty handsome. Really nice. Held my hand the whole time, which is like, a no no in the one night stand business.
And then when we finish, Matt was being a douche, saying he wouldn't get me a glass of water, and Greg goes "Dude, this girl is fucking sexy, head to toe! Go get her some water" and the rest of the night we snuggled.
Sooo around two in the morning we leave Matt's house, and I go to take him home, and then, we go inside, and lay down, and blah blah blah.
Well I am half asleep, and out of nowhere I go "Do you have a girlfriend?"
and he goes "Now I do"
I wanted to jump up and scream!!!
I know I move WAY TOO FAST.
But it's been a long time since I've been in a relationship. And, maybe, just maybe he's what I need.
Oh, and, he has a job.
ME ME ME ME ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm jumping up and down excited.
So, despite what I had said, remember Matt guy from the mall? The douchey one?
Alright, so I was MEGA desperate tonight, like, I ate a few pieces of chicken, and a roll after making the mistake of going into the kitchen.
But I was like, whatever, so I texted him and said "Look, being straight right now, I really need someone to cuddle with."
And he says "Come over"
So I tell my mom that I'm going to Ester's house (I have mastered lying about where I'm going, I'm ashamed to say)to have a movie marathon.
So I get there, and Matt and I aren't messing around, we're litterally just snuggling, when his friend texts him saying "Come get me from the bus stop" so, Matt looks at me, and I was like, "Uggg I guess."
So, we go get him, and this guy is like "DUDEEE! LETS SMOKE POT!!!"
So basically we go back to Matts house, and they're BLAZED and the room is like hot boxed, and then like outta nowhere, this kid (Greg) and I are like, doing it. (I have a way of doing that don't I?)
Well, now Greg is pretty sexy. Pretty handsome. Really nice. Held my hand the whole time, which is like, a no no in the one night stand business.
And then when we finish, Matt was being a douche, saying he wouldn't get me a glass of water, and Greg goes "Dude, this girl is fucking sexy, head to toe! Go get her some water" and the rest of the night we snuggled.
Sooo around two in the morning we leave Matt's house, and I go to take him home, and then, we go inside, and lay down, and blah blah blah.
Well I am half asleep, and out of nowhere I go "Do you have a girlfriend?"
and he goes "Now I do"
I wanted to jump up and scream!!!
I know I move WAY TOO FAST.
But it's been a long time since I've been in a relationship. And, maybe, just maybe he's what I need.
Oh, and, he has a job.
Tuesday, January 17
Oh, More
Alright forgot to post this too.
Day six.
Obviously I binge. I dunno why, I will be doing so good, and I see something I like (cookies, cake, chips, but normally something sweet) and I just go into like panic attack mode, and if I dont eat it, I'm going to obsess about it until I eat it. And I can't just take a bite. I have to eat it til it's gone and out of the house so that I don't have to worry about binging on it anymore..
This is the Green House Cafe, litterally two doors away from my house when we lived in New York. I was going to post a picture of New York, since that where I've been, but this was more personal.
One of my favorite pictures of New York.
My mom was at the Twin Towers the day before 9/11. Scary how real it is. You could see the smoke from our house, and it smelled really awful the next few months.
All I can say was, it was intense.
I extremely miss New York.
Day six.
Obviously I binge. I dunno why, I will be doing so good, and I see something I like (cookies, cake, chips, but normally something sweet) and I just go into like panic attack mode, and if I dont eat it, I'm going to obsess about it until I eat it. And I can't just take a bite. I have to eat it til it's gone and out of the house so that I don't have to worry about binging on it anymore..
This is the Green House Cafe, litterally two doors away from my house when we lived in New York. I was going to post a picture of New York, since that where I've been, but this was more personal.
One of my favorite pictures of New York.
My mom was at the Twin Towers the day before 9/11. Scary how real it is. You could see the smoke from our house, and it smelled really awful the next few months.
All I can say was, it was intense.
I extremely miss New York.
I Apologize Ladies
For my Massive Explosion Last Night.
I was really mad at my mom, and this is always the place where I can vent and let it out. So I will finish my story about last night.
Anyways so my friend Ester from work asked me if I liked playing Video games, which I was like, "Of course I do!" and she was like, "dude, sometime this week we should totally play video games at this dudes house!!" (she was standing next to one of our guy coworkers.) and I was like "Heck yes!!!"
So that was awesome. And I was so hyper last night at work, so my Manager Katya was like "Dude! I totally wish you were old enough to drink! You would be so fun to party with!" in my head I was like just cuz I'm not old enough doesn't mean I don't. Shame Shame I know. But hey, what are ya gonna do? So she gives me her number, and she's like, "dude, we'll buy a bottle, invite some peeps, and party," and I was like "HECK YES!"
So I'm probably gonna fast til I hang out with her. I know alcohol has alot of calories in it, but I'm in MAJOR need of a drink.
That being said, I'm fasting today, especially after the hot wings, and cookie incident.
But there is some more guys.
Well, at work we have some construction going on, and at night is the only time the workers can come in, so night shift sees alot of them. But there is this one tall dude, that always uses the blow torch, and is MEGA SEXY.
A few nights ago he talked to me, and I was like C: But like. WAY BIGGER. And last night he was on his lift or I would have stopped to talk to him. I hope maybe I could get his number. That would be nice.
Anyways, I apologize again ladies for my explosion.
I was really mad at my mom, and this is always the place where I can vent and let it out. So I will finish my story about last night.
Anyways so my friend Ester from work asked me if I liked playing Video games, which I was like, "Of course I do!" and she was like, "dude, sometime this week we should totally play video games at this dudes house!!" (she was standing next to one of our guy coworkers.) and I was like "Heck yes!!!"
So that was awesome. And I was so hyper last night at work, so my Manager Katya was like "Dude! I totally wish you were old enough to drink! You would be so fun to party with!" in my head I was like just cuz I'm not old enough doesn't mean I don't. Shame Shame I know. But hey, what are ya gonna do? So she gives me her number, and she's like, "dude, we'll buy a bottle, invite some peeps, and party," and I was like "HECK YES!"
So I'm probably gonna fast til I hang out with her. I know alcohol has alot of calories in it, but I'm in MAJOR need of a drink.
That being said, I'm fasting today, especially after the hot wings, and cookie incident.
But there is some more guys.
Well, at work we have some construction going on, and at night is the only time the workers can come in, so night shift sees alot of them. But there is this one tall dude, that always uses the blow torch, and is MEGA SEXY.
A few nights ago he talked to me, and I was like C: But like. WAY BIGGER. And last night he was on his lift or I would have stopped to talk to him. I hope maybe I could get his number. That would be nice.
Anyways, I apologize again ladies for my explosion.
Monday, January 16
Fuck You Nabisco.
Oh yeah I said it. Fuck Nabisco, Tollhouse, Townhouse, and General Mills too.
I've had enough fattening foods. I HATE YOU.
I had an AWESOME day at work.
So, first off my girl Ester asked me if I played video games, which of course I do, so
(Side note, as I was typing this, I got in a fight with my mom, so I need to vent and get that off my chest before I do anything else.)
So I get home today and she goes "glad to see you cleaned the fucking bathroom,"
WOW! so I go "nice to see you too mom,"
then today she wants to bitch that I don't clean up, how lazy I am, how I don't do anything.
Ignore the 400 dollars in rent I PAID, and I WORKED FOR to pay.
Ignore the EVERY morning I get up to watch HER kids.
Ignore the 100 dollars I PAID to get her goddamn internet back on.
Ignore the 200 doolars I spent on HER for her birthday, so she would just enjoy herself.
Apparently I'm the fucking bitch, becayse I've been working the past six days.
Oh, and I'm such a bitch because I wouldn't take down the Christmas tree. Because I WAS WORKING.
I'm just fucking pissed right now. I'll finish my post about work tommorow ladies. I'm just fucking upset, I want to go fucking punch something, get some fucking anger out.
I HATE FUCKING LIVING HERE! Between her, and food. I CANT FUCKING LIVE HERE.
I'm sick to my stomach.
Fucking hate my life.
I'm better off dead.
I've had enough fattening foods. I HATE YOU.
I had an AWESOME day at work.
So, first off my girl Ester asked me if I played video games, which of course I do, so
(Side note, as I was typing this, I got in a fight with my mom, so I need to vent and get that off my chest before I do anything else.)
So I get home today and she goes "glad to see you cleaned the fucking bathroom,"
WOW! so I go "nice to see you too mom,"
then today she wants to bitch that I don't clean up, how lazy I am, how I don't do anything.
Ignore the 400 dollars in rent I PAID, and I WORKED FOR to pay.
Ignore the EVERY morning I get up to watch HER kids.
Ignore the 100 dollars I PAID to get her goddamn internet back on.
Ignore the 200 doolars I spent on HER for her birthday, so she would just enjoy herself.
Apparently I'm the fucking bitch, becayse I've been working the past six days.
Oh, and I'm such a bitch because I wouldn't take down the Christmas tree. Because I WAS WORKING.
I'm just fucking pissed right now. I'll finish my post about work tommorow ladies. I'm just fucking upset, I want to go fucking punch something, get some fucking anger out.
I HATE FUCKING LIVING HERE! Between her, and food. I CANT FUCKING LIVE HERE.
I'm sick to my stomach.
Fucking hate my life.
I'm better off dead.
Side Note
HOLY CRAP! I have alot more followers then the last time I checked! 8 :D yay! Hi ladies, thanks for making my day!
Daddy Dearest
Sorry I didn't log on sooner!
I'm trying to think of where to start. Well obviously, I binged on cake last night, after doing so well on my first day. I guess today is a new day.
So I went to a church yesterday. Which is strange, I normally don't go to church, actually. That was maybe the fourth time I've been to my church in my entrie life. It's a nondenominational church, so it was interesting to say the least.
Then, let's see, worked.
Oh.
Yeah.
So I'm at work, scanning people, and all of a sudden, I look up and this guy is SO FAMILIAR! So I tell him he looks just like one of my dad's friends. And he goes "Oh, what's your dad's name?" And I tell him he goes by his tattoo name Kaos. And he goes, "Kaos is my friend!" so I tell him the WHOLE story about how my father and I stopped talking (for new readers that's here: http://lalaponeysandlalapopcorn.blogspot.com/2011/12/my-father.html)
and he's like "Wow, thats crazy, he's always talking about Lanny's kid, Emily" Like I don't know who she is.
So then when I went home, I told my mom, and we were kind of talking, and I don't know where it came from, I just broke down.
I want to be important enough for him to not give a shit about what I do and just love me unconditionally for who I am.
I want to be important enough for him to brag to his friends about me.
I want to be important enough for him to want to be in my life.
I want to be important enough for him to want to be my father.
So I think I'm going to message Lanny, and kinda talk to him, to see what he thinks.
I might just fast today. I dunno.
Anyways, heres these.
Day 4
My fear about weight loss? Losing my boobs. One hundred percent, I'm terrified to be flat chested. My whole life the only thing I've ever been really proud of besides some of my accomplishments, were my boobs. They're a big part of me (hahah, literally) and I think if I started losing them, I would stop.
(The picture wouldn't post, but a vague descripton of my night above and below!)
That was basically a picture of my night. My other picture won't upload because my camera is dead. Playing video games all night, with Barbie, her daughter, and my mom.
Day 5
I'm losing this weight for me. I need to be skinny, there is alot of pluses to it, like boys would hang around longer, I could get more opportunities, and I would be happy. I'm not happy being fat, and that's what I am right now. So. Skinny= Happiness, and here I come!
Favorite memory ever right here. I'm not in this phot, but these were my old friends Jessie Kyle and Courtney. We were in Jessies basement, spraying silly string, laughing our asses off, and having a great night. this is one of those nights where I would take nine million photos of nothing. I miss those nights.
Anyways, have a good day ladies, I'm off to go maybe excersise. I dunno yeyt. Figure something out.
I'm trying to think of where to start. Well obviously, I binged on cake last night, after doing so well on my first day. I guess today is a new day.
So I went to a church yesterday. Which is strange, I normally don't go to church, actually. That was maybe the fourth time I've been to my church in my entrie life. It's a nondenominational church, so it was interesting to say the least.
Then, let's see, worked.
Oh.
Yeah.
So I'm at work, scanning people, and all of a sudden, I look up and this guy is SO FAMILIAR! So I tell him he looks just like one of my dad's friends. And he goes "Oh, what's your dad's name?" And I tell him he goes by his tattoo name Kaos. And he goes, "Kaos is my friend!" so I tell him the WHOLE story about how my father and I stopped talking (for new readers that's here: http://lalaponeysandlalapopcorn.blogspot.com/2011/12/my-father.html)
and he's like "Wow, thats crazy, he's always talking about Lanny's kid, Emily" Like I don't know who she is.
So then when I went home, I told my mom, and we were kind of talking, and I don't know where it came from, I just broke down.
I want to be important enough for him to not give a shit about what I do and just love me unconditionally for who I am.
I want to be important enough for him to brag to his friends about me.
I want to be important enough for him to want to be in my life.
I want to be important enough for him to want to be my father.
So I think I'm going to message Lanny, and kinda talk to him, to see what he thinks.
I might just fast today. I dunno.
Anyways, heres these.
Day 4
My fear about weight loss? Losing my boobs. One hundred percent, I'm terrified to be flat chested. My whole life the only thing I've ever been really proud of besides some of my accomplishments, were my boobs. They're a big part of me (hahah, literally) and I think if I started losing them, I would stop.
(The picture wouldn't post, but a vague descripton of my night above and below!)
That was basically a picture of my night. My other picture won't upload because my camera is dead. Playing video games all night, with Barbie, her daughter, and my mom.
Day 5
I'm losing this weight for me. I need to be skinny, there is alot of pluses to it, like boys would hang around longer, I could get more opportunities, and I would be happy. I'm not happy being fat, and that's what I am right now. So. Skinny= Happiness, and here I come!
Favorite memory ever right here. I'm not in this phot, but these were my old friends Jessie Kyle and Courtney. We were in Jessies basement, spraying silly string, laughing our asses off, and having a great night. this is one of those nights where I would take nine million photos of nothing. I miss those nights.
Anyways, have a good day ladies, I'm off to go maybe excersise. I dunno yeyt. Figure something out.
Sunday, January 15
More to come.
I weighed in at 153.2 this morning. Disappointing but I'm doing this ten day challenge that Sunshine child talked about. I already feel healthier and cleansed!! Hope I don't panic binge. Going to work soon, will post more later!!
Saturday, January 14
Evening Ladies
So if you read my Ana/Mia post, you know of my fiasco of a family dinner. If not here it is :
http://anamiachronicles.blogspot.com/2012/01/so-dinner-with-my-family.html
Today was good despite all the EATING!!!
BUT!!!
I did get a three disc Lady Gaga CD including her Monster Ball DVD so I can see how she dances so I can do it too!!!!!! I'm so excited. Working out will be great.
Period from hell still here.
Sorry about not posting yesterday, I was trying, but my hellish mother kept bitching at me!!! So I will do it tonight.
Day 2
I'm five foot two. I consider it to be pretty short, and I'm not exactly happy about it, but I live with it. I can wear HUGE ASS heels and be shorter then my date, so I can handle that.
(I look inceridlbey HUGE! in this picture. Saddens me deeply.)
Thats me and my best friend Katy. She knows everything about me, basically, and vice-versa. We've been friends since 6th grade (so about six years!) Love her to death, would take a bullet for her.
Sometimes we don't talk for ages, but when we get together it's like we have kept up the whole time.
Day 3
So I have about three thinspos that are my all time favorite.
First off. I LOVE her tattoos. Being a baby born in that world, it's almost like my home town comforting feeling, lookign at tattoos. See those bones? I'm jealous!
Secondly:
LOVE THE BOOBS ON THIS GIRL! I dunno, I have Double D's, so I'm drawn to the skinny top heavy photos. Again with the tattoos. And those shiny hip bones are classy :D
and lastly:
Obviously tattoos. Secondly, her hair. Her lovely betty paige look makes me jealous. (She's kind of my idol!) And, I love the back look, Idk. I just want to be thin!
Walking Dead! FAVORITE SHOW EVER!!!! Can't wait til it comes back on in Feb.!
Glenn is my favorite.
I think thats all for tonight ladies, hope everyone is having a good one :D
Off to excersise with my mom hopefully. If not, I'll be doing it solo!
http://anamiachronicles.blogspot.com/2012/01/so-dinner-with-my-family.html
Today was good despite all the EATING!!!
BUT!!!
I did get a three disc Lady Gaga CD including her Monster Ball DVD so I can see how she dances so I can do it too!!!!!! I'm so excited. Working out will be great.
Period from hell still here.
Sorry about not posting yesterday, I was trying, but my hellish mother kept bitching at me!!! So I will do it tonight.
Day 2
I'm five foot two. I consider it to be pretty short, and I'm not exactly happy about it, but I live with it. I can wear HUGE ASS heels and be shorter then my date, so I can handle that.
(I look inceridlbey HUGE! in this picture. Saddens me deeply.)
Thats me and my best friend Katy. She knows everything about me, basically, and vice-versa. We've been friends since 6th grade (so about six years!) Love her to death, would take a bullet for her.
Sometimes we don't talk for ages, but when we get together it's like we have kept up the whole time.
Day 3
So I have about three thinspos that are my all time favorite.
First off. I LOVE her tattoos. Being a baby born in that world, it's almost like my home town comforting feeling, lookign at tattoos. See those bones? I'm jealous!
Secondly:
LOVE THE BOOBS ON THIS GIRL! I dunno, I have Double D's, so I'm drawn to the skinny top heavy photos. Again with the tattoos. And those shiny hip bones are classy :D
and lastly:
Obviously tattoos. Secondly, her hair. Her lovely betty paige look makes me jealous. (She's kind of my idol!) And, I love the back look, Idk. I just want to be thin!
Walking Dead! FAVORITE SHOW EVER!!!! Can't wait til it comes back on in Feb.!
Glenn is my favorite.
I think thats all for tonight ladies, hope everyone is having a good one :D
Off to excersise with my mom hopefully. If not, I'll be doing it solo!
Friday, January 13
Dear Uterus
Please fall out or something!! Alright, so for the last couple of
months I've been battling a nonstop period. It's lights and barely noticeable, but it's happening. Well yesterday, I "started" again. Extremely heavy flow, slight cramps nothingbad. But today? It's the period from hell. I'm going through a jumbo pad AND a super tampon in about twenty minutes. And my cramps are paralyzing. Two pampering, and three advil aren't touching it! We don't have a heating pad so I warned up some bean bags, and it feels alright. But the nausea is awful. Apparently I'll be fasting today because the thought of eating makes me sick. That's good I guess. I don't want to call into work, but if I do t feel better by one, I'm going to.
I'll keep ya updated!
months I've been battling a nonstop period. It's lights and barely noticeable, but it's happening. Well yesterday, I "started" again. Extremely heavy flow, slight cramps nothingbad. But today? It's the period from hell. I'm going through a jumbo pad AND a super tampon in about twenty minutes. And my cramps are paralyzing. Two pampering, and three advil aren't touching it! We don't have a heating pad so I warned up some bean bags, and it feels alright. But the nausea is awful. Apparently I'll be fasting today because the thought of eating makes me sick. That's good I guess. I don't want to call into work, but if I do t feel better by one, I'm going to.
I'll keep ya updated!
Spicy Yummy Yums
Gymnast!!! I love your recipe! It's so good!! And so low cal!! If you read my Ana/Mia post ladies, you know my lovely size seven work jeans kept slipping off today. So happy. I wanted to binge tonight, but I don't need it!
Your support keeps me going!! Night ladies.
Your support keeps me going!! Night ladies.
Thursday, January 12
Working Out
Worked Out my legsies today before work. Burned 296.7 calories today.
Also gave my blog kind of some accessories :D Good day ladies.
Also gave my blog kind of some accessories :D Good day ladies.
Some Pictures (And Other Things) For You Guys
So, I got this off of Ali's page, which made me smile, normally I'm not a big fan of these things, but it's okay for me :D The one with the numbers is from Facebook, that I wanted to do, but didn't get around to it, but decided here could be a good place for it, where I can simply be honest :D
Day One Your stats
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day Two How tall are you? Do you like your height?
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day Three A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day Four Your greatest fears about weight loss.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day Five Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day Six Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
Day 06 - A picture of somewhere you've been.
Day Seven Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
Day 07 - A picture that shows your true self.
Day Eight Your workout routine.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day Nine Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day Ten What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”
Day 10 - A picture of someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future.
Day Eleven Your favorite thinspo blog and why!
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day Twelve What do you normally eat?
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day Thirteen Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day Fourteen What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day Fifteen Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day Sixteen When did you first decide to lose weight?
Day 16 - A picture of you and your friends.
Day Seventeen Do you have an eating disorder?
Day 17 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day Eighteen What food is your weakness?
Say 18 - A picture of your favorite place.
Day Nineteen When is the last time you ate fast food?
Day 19 - A picture of a habit you wish you didn't have.
Day Twenty Favorite diet?
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day Twenty-One What are your clothing sizes?
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day Twenty-Two What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?
Day 22 - A picture that confuses you.
Day Twenty-Three Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day Twenty-Four How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia?
Day 24 - A picture of something you crave alot.
Day Twenty-Five Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
Day 25 - A picture of you last year and how you've changed since then.
Day Twenty-Six What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day Twenty-Seven How do you deal with being around food?
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day Twenty-Eight Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day Twenty-Nine Your definition of beauty.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day Thirty 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
Day 30 - A picture of you.
Day One-
Current Weight- 155
Starting Weight- 160
Height- 5 Foot 2
Brown (Dyed Black) Hair
Grey Blue Hazel Eyes
Female
And there you have it.
Heres my picture of myself, unfortunately.
And Fifteen Facts? Well. Shit.
1. I am a total nerd.
2. I have weird habits.
3. I can't get water out of a tap with it running to quickly, because even though I know it's not true, I fear the friction in the fast moving water makes it warmer (ridiculous, I know)
4. I'm definately better with someone telling me what to do, and correcting/critiquing me for it. On my own I'm sort of a flake.
5. I think I may be a sex addict.
6. I enjoy blogging, because it's my open diary, I guess.
7. I love taking pictures.
8. Everyone tells me a great photographer, but I can't do it unless I'm in the mood.
9. I like to color because it lowers your blood pressure.
10. Both my parents are tattoo artists, my uncle is a famous illustator, and my aunt used to be an art teacher, and I can't draw worth a shit.
11. I enjoy going to the bookstore by myself and just reading the books, even if I don't buy them.
12. I like clawfoot bathtubs.
13. I used to be afraid to shower. Now I'm neurotic about it.
14. I squish the Reese's peanut butter cups, and Carmel Milkyways when I'm at work, especially if I'm having a bad day. It's almost relieving.
15. When I'm sad, listening to music makes me ball my eyes out, but feel so much better :D
So. There's my uh. Facts. Feeling quite candid right now.
OH!!!! The picture of the snow for you guys!
Our apartment looks out onto a golf course. So it can be really pretty. I'm sad I didn't get a picture, but last night, there was a fox running through the falling snow, and it was perfect!
A picture of my perfectly cupped 80 cals (including the whipped cream) smoothie!!! I couldn't resist not taking a picture of it. Sorry for the quality, takne on my piece of shit phone.
Sorry about my rambeling, this is probably the longest post I have ever posted!!!
Gonna work out again today :D
Have a good day ladies.
Day One Your stats
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day Two How tall are you? Do you like your height?
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Day Three A picture of your thinspiration. What features do you like about this person?
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day Four Your greatest fears about weight loss.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day Five Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day Six Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do.
Day 06 - A picture of somewhere you've been.
Day Seven Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care?
Day 07 - A picture that shows your true self.
Day Eight Your workout routine.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day Nine Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day Ten What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”
Day 10 - A picture of someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future.
Day Eleven Your favorite thinspo blog and why!
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day Twelve What do you normally eat?
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day Thirteen Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way?
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day Fourteen What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day Fifteen Are you vegan or vegetarian? If so, has this helped you lose weight? If not, would you ever consider turning vegan or vegetarian?
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day Sixteen When did you first decide to lose weight?
Day 16 - A picture of you and your friends.
Day Seventeen Do you have an eating disorder?
Day 17 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day Eighteen What food is your weakness?
Say 18 - A picture of your favorite place.
Day Nineteen When is the last time you ate fast food?
Day 19 - A picture of a habit you wish you didn't have.
Day Twenty Favorite diet?
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day Twenty-One What are your clothing sizes?
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day Twenty-Two What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?
Day 22 - A picture that confuses you.
Day Twenty-Three Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day Twenty-Four How do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia?
Day 24 - A picture of something you crave alot.
Day Twenty-Five Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.
Day 25 - A picture of you last year and how you've changed since then.
Day Twenty-Six What excites you most about reaching your ugw?
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day Twenty-Seven How do you deal with being around food?
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day Twenty-Eight Do you want that “gap” between your legs? Why?
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day Twenty-Nine Your definition of beauty.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day Thirty 10 facts about you! And now, what are your stats?
Day 30 - A picture of you.
Day One-
Current Weight- 155
Starting Weight- 160
Height- 5 Foot 2
Brown (Dyed Black) Hair
Grey Blue Hazel Eyes
Female
And there you have it.
Heres my picture of myself, unfortunately.
And Fifteen Facts? Well. Shit.
1. I am a total nerd.
2. I have weird habits.
3. I can't get water out of a tap with it running to quickly, because even though I know it's not true, I fear the friction in the fast moving water makes it warmer (ridiculous, I know)
4. I'm definately better with someone telling me what to do, and correcting/critiquing me for it. On my own I'm sort of a flake.
5. I think I may be a sex addict.
6. I enjoy blogging, because it's my open diary, I guess.
7. I love taking pictures.
8. Everyone tells me a great photographer, but I can't do it unless I'm in the mood.
9. I like to color because it lowers your blood pressure.
10. Both my parents are tattoo artists, my uncle is a famous illustator, and my aunt used to be an art teacher, and I can't draw worth a shit.
11. I enjoy going to the bookstore by myself and just reading the books, even if I don't buy them.
12. I like clawfoot bathtubs.
13. I used to be afraid to shower. Now I'm neurotic about it.
14. I squish the Reese's peanut butter cups, and Carmel Milkyways when I'm at work, especially if I'm having a bad day. It's almost relieving.
15. When I'm sad, listening to music makes me ball my eyes out, but feel so much better :D
So. There's my uh. Facts. Feeling quite candid right now.
OH!!!! The picture of the snow for you guys!
Our apartment looks out onto a golf course. So it can be really pretty. I'm sad I didn't get a picture, but last night, there was a fox running through the falling snow, and it was perfect!
A picture of my perfectly cupped 80 cals (including the whipped cream) smoothie!!! I couldn't resist not taking a picture of it. Sorry for the quality, takne on my piece of shit phone.
Sorry about my rambeling, this is probably the longest post I have ever posted!!!
Gonna work out again today :D
Have a good day ladies.
Wednesday, January 11
Double Life
Sometimes that's how I feel like life is. I hung out with the guy from work. And it's like there is two of me.
It's Destany that meets these people
But it's the other girl that flirts with them.
It's Destany that texts them.
but it's the other girl that agrees to hang out with them.
She gets me dressed, she's flirts, she kisses, she goes to bed.
Buf it's Destany that pulls that girl out of bed and finds her shoes, and her way to the door.
But I think Destany took control early today.
She came back in the middle of things, and felt like crying. That other girl felt sexy putting back on her clothes. But Destany came back. Andnow she's disgusted. She feels sick of herself.
Only thing they can agree on? They're two fat and they need to lose weight.
If nothing more, at least we burned some calories tonight.
It's Destany posting this. And im going to bed, sick of myself and this feeling.
It's Destany that meets these people
But it's the other girl that flirts with them.
It's Destany that texts them.
but it's the other girl that agrees to hang out with them.
She gets me dressed, she's flirts, she kisses, she goes to bed.
Buf it's Destany that pulls that girl out of bed and finds her shoes, and her way to the door.
But I think Destany took control early today.
She came back in the middle of things, and felt like crying. That other girl felt sexy putting back on her clothes. But Destany came back. Andnow she's disgusted. She feels sick of herself.
Only thing they can agree on? They're two fat and they need to lose weight.
If nothing more, at least we burned some calories tonight.
It's Destany posting this. And im going to bed, sick of myself and this feeling.
Beating a Dead Horse
Thats what I feel like! In a good way of course!I know I've been posting alot lately, it's keeping me from binging and stuff. So, if it's what I have to do.
Anyways, I finnally got around to working out. And I feel like someone beat the shit out of me, the hardest I've worked out in a long time.I used to do Color Guard which is the girls with the flags and stuff in a Marching Band, and it was ALOT of fucking hard work. We were always working out. I wouldn't mind getting back to that, because my arms were way less flabby. But unless our neighbors dont mind us vaulting our ceiling through their floor, I have to wait til it's nice outside to start again.
But anyways, I burned 524.41 calories, in maybe 30 minutes, if not less. Which is pretty exciting to me. I would love to make it to the gym, but, like I said, I'm feeling dead! I took a picture of the snow for you guys! I'll post it tonight, perhaps tommorow. But I an post some videos of our color guard performances now that I'm thinking of it.
That was my senior year of highschool! I am the little orange blanket in the beginning just off the 35 yard line on your left :D Feel free to skip the first three minutes if you watch it at all.
This is my junior year of highschool. Shotty Video Quality, but it's the ONLY video of our entire semi finals shows, and the ONLY video with the ending Blue and gold flags (ten feet tall, king size bed sheet flag!) I'm the Red dot just off the forty, on the left in the back, at thje beginning of the video!
LOVE THAT SHOW!
So nostalgic!
Anyways, I finnally got around to working out. And I feel like someone beat the shit out of me, the hardest I've worked out in a long time.I used to do Color Guard which is the girls with the flags and stuff in a Marching Band, and it was ALOT of fucking hard work. We were always working out. I wouldn't mind getting back to that, because my arms were way less flabby. But unless our neighbors dont mind us vaulting our ceiling through their floor, I have to wait til it's nice outside to start again.
But anyways, I burned 524.41 calories, in maybe 30 minutes, if not less. Which is pretty exciting to me. I would love to make it to the gym, but, like I said, I'm feeling dead! I took a picture of the snow for you guys! I'll post it tonight, perhaps tommorow. But I an post some videos of our color guard performances now that I'm thinking of it.
That was my senior year of highschool! I am the little orange blanket in the beginning just off the 35 yard line on your left :D Feel free to skip the first three minutes if you watch it at all.
This is my junior year of highschool. Shotty Video Quality, but it's the ONLY video of our entire semi finals shows, and the ONLY video with the ending Blue and gold flags (ten feet tall, king size bed sheet flag!) I'm the Red dot just off the forty, on the left in the back, at thje beginning of the video!
LOVE THAT SHOW!
So nostalgic!
Pumped Up Kicks
Again ladies :)
Wanted to give a shout out to my followee Ali! I just noticed so thanks :) boosted my day.
The kida just left and I'm trying to pump myself up to excersise, but the snow outside is instead making me curl up in my blanket and snack! I don't like snacking.
I will workout at some point today. I will I will I will.
The Thing I Hate About The 303
Alright so the 303 is Colorado, for all wondering, it's our main area code. Anyways, so today I was going to go for a mile walk with my aunt around a lake today. But it's snowing. Heavy snow. So no leaving the house today unless I can wade my way through snow to the gym. The kids leave for Wyoming today to see their grandparents. A week and a half of silence :) not to say I wo t miss them, but it will be nice. It means I can actually workout!!
This morning I had a 70 calorie smoothies and it was incredibly tasty. Then I had more lunch meat to fix my salty craving, but then I binges a bit on some buts, but I'm still under 400 calories. Got some yummy low cal dressings atthe store last night, and stuff to make the re ipe Gymnast posted.
Gonna burn some hardcore cals despite the snow!
Anyways more boy drama!!
Well not really drama this time.
So I was at work, and this guy has cone in a few times and hit on me. Well last night he gave me his number and we were texting.
After a while he was going to bed when he said "Well beautiful going to sleep. Get up early. Hope we can talk tomorrow. Text me when you get up."
I thought it was pretty sweet. We'll see where it goes. Hoping to take it slow!
Have a good day ladies!!! Hope it's good.
Tuesday, January 10
Bored
Morning ladies!
So I'm bored this morning. I have work at 12:30, but I always leave a half an hour early to be on time :D.
I work til nine, so thats good, not much time to shove my face today :D
I'm worried about when I get home tonight, because I am hungry when I get off work, so, I'm a little concerned I'll binge.
Hopefully I can overcome that :S
I did get back down to 152. After going back up to 155.8 XP
Soooo. thats good, and not good.
This morning I'll probably eat a smoothies from last night, or more cottage cheese and fruit. Going to pack a little lunch today so that it feels like I'm snacking all day (and maybe I won't be so hungry after work.)
Thats about it.
Have a good day laides!
Monday, January 9
So much yummy food!!
Today has been a great day. i mean after my salad, i walked to thr gym, unfortunately it was closed for reconstruction. So i walked to my grandmas where i could be alone..
Its about a mile i think. Didnt eat until tonight, green beans soup and made a forty five cal smoothie. Gymnast i s always talking about her yummy smoothies, so i made one!!
Didnt really excersise but, i only ate 305 calories, so i feel great.
Another kindle post so sorry for typos. Have a good night lafies, hope yours was just as good!!!
Inspired!
Quick posr before heading off to the gym. i didnt have all the ingredients to make Gymnastscdressing. so i googld and found this deliciously low cal dresing.
take a splash of oil (i used veg for spread factor)
mix it with a splash of soy sauce
then pour in some lime juice.
really yummy. i poured this over paper thin shreds of apple and tossed on my salad.
and only 30 cals with apple and salad :)
take a splash of oil (i used veg for spread factor)
mix it with a splash of soy sauce
then pour in some lime juice.
really yummy. i poured this over paper thin shreds of apple and tossed on my salad.
and only 30 cals with apple and salad :)
Sunday, January 8
Love Me Some
WorkEd out a little today. Nothing extreme. I bought the pussycat dolls workout video and I love it, put on heels and dance burlesque and all that fun jazz. Also bought the Jillian micheals beginner and it's more serious but works :) alright good night ladies.
Thinspo for the Day
Thinspo to get me in the mood. Heels and workout vids, here I come!!! Tommorow, I plan on trying to burn 1500.
Leg gaps <3
So I actuallly know this girl! Went to highschool with her and di about half her Social Studies projects. Pretty though. Pretty thin.
She is so sexy. I love me some Lady Gaga. I want to show my skinny body on Vanity Fair.
Maybe someday :D
Leg gaps <3
So I actuallly know this girl! Went to highschool with her and di about half her Social Studies projects. Pretty though. Pretty thin.
She is so sexy. I love me some Lady Gaga. I want to show my skinny body on Vanity Fair.
Maybe someday :D
Way too fat.
lright, so. today.
I've been pretty awful, binging binging binging binging binging.
And today I finnally ate 500 calories.
Only 500 calories.
Well what happened, was...
I got off work at three today, and I was full and happy, and going to go to the gym.
BUT THEN! I was promised by my mother I could go to the gym today. So, then, when I got invited to the movies with some coworkers, I was like HELL YES!
So since my truck broke down I call my mom and ask if I can go.
And she goes "Really? Can't they give you a ride?" FUCKING IRRITATING! So I told her no, because I'm too embarassed to ask the lovely girls for a ride.
And I came home.
And she was playing on the fucking computer (as she always does) and guilted me for not wanting to watch the kids. I didn't get to go to the gym, and wasn't getting to try my new workout videos. SO THEN!
She was bitching that I need to take them to McDonalds. So I weighed myself. 154.8. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
So then. I take the kids to McDonalds, and because as I was walking out the door my mom was bitching at me, she str4essed me out so bad, I downed almost 2 1/2 cheeseburgers, and a sprite, and 1/4 of those unbaked cookie dough squares.
Because I was stressed.
Fuck food. I need to be skinny, I wish food would just go away. MY binging is out of control!!!!
Mood- Depressed..
I've been pretty awful, binging binging binging binging binging.
And today I finnally ate 500 calories.
Only 500 calories.
Well what happened, was...
I got off work at three today, and I was full and happy, and going to go to the gym.
BUT THEN! I was promised by my mother I could go to the gym today. So, then, when I got invited to the movies with some coworkers, I was like HELL YES!
So since my truck broke down I call my mom and ask if I can go.
And she goes "Really? Can't they give you a ride?" FUCKING IRRITATING! So I told her no, because I'm too embarassed to ask the lovely girls for a ride.
And I came home.
And she was playing on the fucking computer (as she always does) and guilted me for not wanting to watch the kids. I didn't get to go to the gym, and wasn't getting to try my new workout videos. SO THEN!
She was bitching that I need to take them to McDonalds. So I weighed myself. 154.8. FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
So then. I take the kids to McDonalds, and because as I was walking out the door my mom was bitching at me, she str4essed me out so bad, I downed almost 2 1/2 cheeseburgers, and a sprite, and 1/4 of those unbaked cookie dough squares.
Because I was stressed.
Fuck food. I need to be skinny, I wish food would just go away. MY binging is out of control!!!!
Mood- Depressed..
Saturday, January 7
My god.
Alright so it's been a few days. Our Internet got shut off. Anyways so I told you my conundrum with Matt? Well anyways I basically told him I liked him and I appreciated his honesty but I thought he could of approached the situation better. So then, he said he wanted more, and when I asked what he meant by more, and he sad " you me the sex" so. I'm still confused. Idk I dunnO I'm just like really????
Finally got me food, and I'm so happy. Also more workout videos to burn caps from home. Been lazy all week, need to get back to the gym routine. Anyways, short post today. Have a good day ladies!!
Finally got me food, and I'm so happy. Also more workout videos to burn caps from home. Been lazy all week, need to get back to the gym routine. Anyways, short post today. Have a good day ladies!!
Thursday, January 5
Advice needed!!!!!
Okay. So you know matt from the club?? Okay, so in pretty pissed! I check my texts today and I was like Hmmmmm wonder what he said :)
(now note. I take my hygiene very fucking serious. In highschool I was terrified of showering, but I've conquered that fear and take about two showers a day now. Because I'm neurotic!! Going on a date?? You bet I'm showering, AND putting on perfume. Anyways.)
So I read this text and he says he had a greattttt time, but he thought "I needed to spend quality time in the shower," or he could "spray axe or air freshener when we hung out".
So not only am o hurt, because I thought he was a food guy, I'm pissed because I KNOW I didn't stink because I did shower, and wear perfume, and my clothes were brand fucking new, even my goddamn be and underwear. So I'm so mad I don't know what to say to him. Or if I should say anything at all. I'm mad enough to stop talking to him, but bummed cuz I thought ge was a good guy. I'm so conflicted right now. What would you do?
In other news, i went grocery shopping today, and bought food I can eat without feeling guilty. Five to ten calories galore.
Also sone workout videos and tomorrow more pills!!! I will be skinny :)
Night ladies.
(now note. I take my hygiene very fucking serious. In highschool I was terrified of showering, but I've conquered that fear and take about two showers a day now. Because I'm neurotic!! Going on a date?? You bet I'm showering, AND putting on perfume. Anyways.)
So I read this text and he says he had a greattttt time, but he thought "I needed to spend quality time in the shower," or he could "spray axe or air freshener when we hung out".
So not only am o hurt, because I thought he was a food guy, I'm pissed because I KNOW I didn't stink because I did shower, and wear perfume, and my clothes were brand fucking new, even my goddamn be and underwear. So I'm so mad I don't know what to say to him. Or if I should say anything at all. I'm mad enough to stop talking to him, but bummed cuz I thought ge was a good guy. I'm so conflicted right now. What would you do?
In other news, i went grocery shopping today, and bought food I can eat without feeling guilty. Five to ten calories galore.
Also sone workout videos and tomorrow more pills!!! I will be skinny :)
Night ladies.
Wednesday, January 4
AGH!!!!!!!!!!
Alright. So. Hi ladies!
Alright, so, I guess since I haven't posted in a while I'll start from yesterday. I don't remeber too much because it was pretty insignificant.
But, remember Matt the club guy? Okie dok. So last night he texts me, and we're talking, and he's like "Look, I haven't had alot of sex, or relationships and I'm not positive I want one" and I was like.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK! Can't ONE guy in this world want a god damn relationship?!?! But I still like him, So I shall pursue it.
Anyways, last night I was watching Bridesmaids again with my mom (pretty funny, if you need a stupid humor laugh, this is a reccomendation) Anyways, if my mom isn't sleeping she's on her god damn iphone, which happened to be last night, so I was pretty irked. But then, on top of it, she invites her ex junkie friend over (who still has junkie tendencies).
Well I have a box full of 45 calorie Snickers Ice Cream Bars. I've eaten maybe 3. There is 20 in a box. I also have a FULL container of cottage cheese. And an entire brand new pack of 10 calorie jello, with 5 calories whipped cream.
I get up this morning. And it's all. Fucking. Gone.
Needless to say I was pissed, and then proceeded to binge, because I had none of /my/ food to eat.
So. Yeahhhh I binged hardcore today.
Anyways, Went to work, and it was great, until about the last hour.
So I'm the only cashier, and it's super busy so my line is about 15 people deep with more then 20 items. And this guy comes through, and I ring him up, finish, go on my merry way blah blah blah, and about 3 people later, he goes, "Oh, I forgot to ring this hair dye up" which his girlfriend had just came back from getting.
And I go, "I'm sorry sir, I can ring you up aftyer all these customers" and he goes "Well I already went through" and I go, "Sir if you would have seen it right after I rung you up I could have, but I need to ring these other customers up first before I ring you up." And his girlfriend goes "Wow you fucking bitch!" which I'm like, wow, whore. so I say "Ma'am please don't curse at me, or I can't help you at all." And all of a sudden the fucking dude, chucks the god damn hair dye AT MY HEAD! hits me with it, and says "Fucking Cunt, ring it up!" so i'm PISSED. So I'm so mad, I burst into tears, and I'm uncontrallably shaking. Thankfully my manager was walking by and rushes over to take over the register. I've never been so mad at work before. I love my job, but it's nights like tonight, that I want to quit!!!!
But tommorows payday and I was gonna buy some of those HCG drops? apparently they curb hunger. Maybe they can help me!
Thanks for letting me vent ladies. Stay strong.
Alright, so, I guess since I haven't posted in a while I'll start from yesterday. I don't remeber too much because it was pretty insignificant.
But, remember Matt the club guy? Okie dok. So last night he texts me, and we're talking, and he's like "Look, I haven't had alot of sex, or relationships and I'm not positive I want one" and I was like.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK! Can't ONE guy in this world want a god damn relationship?!?! But I still like him, So I shall pursue it.
Anyways, last night I was watching Bridesmaids again with my mom (pretty funny, if you need a stupid humor laugh, this is a reccomendation) Anyways, if my mom isn't sleeping she's on her god damn iphone, which happened to be last night, so I was pretty irked. But then, on top of it, she invites her ex junkie friend over (who still has junkie tendencies).
Well I have a box full of 45 calorie Snickers Ice Cream Bars. I've eaten maybe 3. There is 20 in a box. I also have a FULL container of cottage cheese. And an entire brand new pack of 10 calorie jello, with 5 calories whipped cream.
I get up this morning. And it's all. Fucking. Gone.
Needless to say I was pissed, and then proceeded to binge, because I had none of /my/ food to eat.
So. Yeahhhh I binged hardcore today.
Anyways, Went to work, and it was great, until about the last hour.
So I'm the only cashier, and it's super busy so my line is about 15 people deep with more then 20 items. And this guy comes through, and I ring him up, finish, go on my merry way blah blah blah, and about 3 people later, he goes, "Oh, I forgot to ring this hair dye up" which his girlfriend had just came back from getting.
And I go, "I'm sorry sir, I can ring you up aftyer all these customers" and he goes "Well I already went through" and I go, "Sir if you would have seen it right after I rung you up I could have, but I need to ring these other customers up first before I ring you up." And his girlfriend goes "Wow you fucking bitch!" which I'm like, wow, whore. so I say "Ma'am please don't curse at me, or I can't help you at all." And all of a sudden the fucking dude, chucks the god damn hair dye AT MY HEAD! hits me with it, and says "Fucking Cunt, ring it up!" so i'm PISSED. So I'm so mad, I burst into tears, and I'm uncontrallably shaking. Thankfully my manager was walking by and rushes over to take over the register. I've never been so mad at work before. I love my job, but it's nights like tonight, that I want to quit!!!!
But tommorows payday and I was gonna buy some of those HCG drops? apparently they curb hunger. Maybe they can help me!
Thanks for letting me vent ladies. Stay strong.
Tuesday, January 3
All You Need Is Love
Alright, so last night I was supposed to eat 500 calories. I did that and in excersize I burned like (not really anything, maybe 100) I didn't go to the gym and basically sat around my house all day. BUT!
I did go out with club guy (his name is Matt, which is funny because so was the mall guy!)
Anyways, we went to the movies last night, Mission Impossible, which, I really wasn't watching, and then, all of a sudden, we just got really close and snuggly in the movie theater, and I was like :D and we left early.
So we drive to his house (and I'm in these fucking heels that I can't walk in, because I bust a nerve in my toe on my birthday from heels, and it's all numb and I can't feel it, but apparently heels were a good shoe choice last night :P) and we fooled around, a little. But then I put on my shoes with that impending guilt feeling, and I'm like, here we go again, just another one night stand...
And he goes, "You can hang out for a little bit"
SO OF COURSE$ I DID! He played guitar (awfully, but I pretended to be sorta into it) for me, and then we sat on his couch and just snuggeled. Then we go in his room and start making out (he's gotta thing for that apparently) and we're laying on his bed all curled up together and I was like rubbing his sides (just his sides! I promise!) and he starts squirming and laughing, and I'm like "Wait! Are you ticklish?" which at that point, I can't stop, so we're having a tickle kissing rollig around laying on each other fest!
And then we just laid there and talked.
And then we both fell asleep, and then I realized it was two in the morning and I had to go home. So I kissed him, and he walked me out, and I ran to my car.
Last night, was AMAZING.
500 calories again today.
I did go out with club guy (his name is Matt, which is funny because so was the mall guy!)
Anyways, we went to the movies last night, Mission Impossible, which, I really wasn't watching, and then, all of a sudden, we just got really close and snuggly in the movie theater, and I was like :D and we left early.
So we drive to his house (and I'm in these fucking heels that I can't walk in, because I bust a nerve in my toe on my birthday from heels, and it's all numb and I can't feel it, but apparently heels were a good shoe choice last night :P) and we fooled around, a little. But then I put on my shoes with that impending guilt feeling, and I'm like, here we go again, just another one night stand...
And he goes, "You can hang out for a little bit"
SO OF COURSE$ I DID! He played guitar (awfully, but I pretended to be sorta into it) for me, and then we sat on his couch and just snuggeled. Then we go in his room and start making out (he's gotta thing for that apparently) and we're laying on his bed all curled up together and I was like rubbing his sides (just his sides! I promise!) and he starts squirming and laughing, and I'm like "Wait! Are you ticklish?" which at that point, I can't stop, so we're having a tickle kissing rollig around laying on each other fest!
And then we just laid there and talked.
And then we both fell asleep, and then I realized it was two in the morning and I had to go home. So I kissed him, and he walked me out, and I ran to my car.
Last night, was AMAZING.
500 calories again today.
Monday, January 2
Morning Ladies
Hey guys, so I know yesterday I said I would continue my post, but I was exhausted!
Anyways. So, let's see. New Years?
AWESOME! Besides my ridiculous binge.
So I got home from work to find what on the oven?
Potato Skins.
Those damn things! I sat in the living room and debated eating them, and decided against it, and as I was on my way out the door, I ran in the kitchen, and ate all three.
So then I got to my friends house, and they had made cupcake batter. Chocolate, cupcake batter.
So, we sat, and proceeded to eat the bowl of cupcake mix. All of it. Then, we drank 2 bottles of sparkeling cider, and to top that, I ate about 5 pringles!
And I didn't even attempt to purge.
But! For the better part, most of the night we were on chatroulette, fucking around.
And then, we met this French guy named Marc.
And we talked and talked and talked, and I kinda think he's groovy as hell! Not in love, nothing like that but, damn the french are romantic!
Then yesterday I was fasting. And in my breakroom at work, there was, you guessed it, more chocolate cake. I was so worried about eating it, thankfully by the time my lunch came around it was GONE! I have never been so happy to see NO chcolate cake.
So I fasted just fine, but was exhausted. But I have been talking to the club guy. And he wants to hang out, he wants to go to the hookah bar, which im cool with, I'm just broke as a joke, and dont know what to tell him.
So then this morning I got up at like three (couldn't sleep) was going to play Zumba, the dancing game, but figured three in the morning+dancing= woken up grouchy siblings, and that was something I didn't want.
So I played fable 3 for a bit, then did Pilates, for 20 minutes, and I plan on going to the gym today.
Good news! Back down to 151.4 (thank god!) now just getting down to 98 lbs, shouldn't be too hard. (Yes it should, I'm just hoping its not)
Which I did calculate, and to get down to 98 pounds by about May, I should be losing .36 pounds a day, which is kinda scary. Which means, I should be burning like, 1260 calories, ON TOP of what I eat. Which is hard, especially when I can't always make it to the gym.
Well. I guess we'll wait and see.
Have a good day ladies! Stay Strong
Anyways. So, let's see. New Years?
AWESOME! Besides my ridiculous binge.
So I got home from work to find what on the oven?
Potato Skins.
Those damn things! I sat in the living room and debated eating them, and decided against it, and as I was on my way out the door, I ran in the kitchen, and ate all three.
So then I got to my friends house, and they had made cupcake batter. Chocolate, cupcake batter.
So, we sat, and proceeded to eat the bowl of cupcake mix. All of it. Then, we drank 2 bottles of sparkeling cider, and to top that, I ate about 5 pringles!
And I didn't even attempt to purge.
But! For the better part, most of the night we were on chatroulette, fucking around.
And then, we met this French guy named Marc.
And we talked and talked and talked, and I kinda think he's groovy as hell! Not in love, nothing like that but, damn the french are romantic!
Then yesterday I was fasting. And in my breakroom at work, there was, you guessed it, more chocolate cake. I was so worried about eating it, thankfully by the time my lunch came around it was GONE! I have never been so happy to see NO chcolate cake.
So I fasted just fine, but was exhausted. But I have been talking to the club guy. And he wants to hang out, he wants to go to the hookah bar, which im cool with, I'm just broke as a joke, and dont know what to tell him.
So then this morning I got up at like three (couldn't sleep) was going to play Zumba, the dancing game, but figured three in the morning+dancing= woken up grouchy siblings, and that was something I didn't want.
So I played fable 3 for a bit, then did Pilates, for 20 minutes, and I plan on going to the gym today.
Good news! Back down to 151.4 (thank god!) now just getting down to 98 lbs, shouldn't be too hard. (Yes it should, I'm just hoping its not)
Which I did calculate, and to get down to 98 pounds by about May, I should be losing .36 pounds a day, which is kinda scary. Which means, I should be burning like, 1260 calories, ON TOP of what I eat. Which is hard, especially when I can't always make it to the gym.
Well. I guess we'll wait and see.
Have a good day ladies! Stay Strong
Sunday, January 1
HAPPY New Year Ladies!
My resolution is to get down to 98 lbs by summer. Dedication it will take, alot, but, i can do it :D
Whats your resolution?
Happy New Year Ladies,
more to come about last night, when im not running to work :D
Whats your resolution?
Happy New Year Ladies,
more to come about last night, when im not running to work :D
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