Daddy Dearest

Sorry I didn't log on sooner!

I'm trying to think of where to start. Well obviously, I binged on cake last night, after doing so well on my first day. I guess today is a new day.

So I went to a church yesterday. Which is strange, I normally don't go to church, actually. That was maybe the fourth time I've been to my church in my entrie life. It's a nondenominational church, so it was interesting to say the least.

Then, let's see, worked.

Oh.

Yeah.

So I'm at work, scanning people, and all of a sudden, I look up and this guy is SO FAMILIAR! So I tell him he looks just like one of my dad's friends. And he goes "Oh, what's your dad's name?" And I tell him he goes by his tattoo name Kaos. And he goes, "Kaos is my friend!" so I tell him the WHOLE story about how my father and I stopped talking (for new readers that's here: http://lalaponeysandlalapopcorn.blogspot.com/2011/12/my-father.html)

and he's like "Wow, thats crazy, he's always talking about Lanny's kid, Emily" Like I don't know who she is.

So then when I went home, I told my mom, and we were kind of talking, and I don't know where it came from, I just broke down.

I want to be important enough for him to not give a shit about what I do and just love me unconditionally for who I am.

I want to be important enough for him to brag to his friends about me.

I want to be important enough for him to want to be in my life.

I want to be important enough for him to want to be my father.

So I think I'm going to message Lanny, and kinda talk to him, to see what he thinks.

I might just fast today. I dunno.

Anyways, heres these.

Day 4

My fear about weight loss? Losing my boobs. One hundred percent, I'm terrified to be flat chested. My whole life the only thing I've ever been really proud of besides some of my accomplishments, were my boobs. They're a big part of me (hahah, literally) and I think if I started losing them, I would stop.

(The picture wouldn't post, but a vague descripton of my night above and below!)

That was basically a picture of my night. My other picture won't upload because my camera is dead. Playing video games all night, with Barbie, her daughter, and my mom.

Day 5

I'm losing this weight for me. I need to be skinny, there is alot of pluses to it, like boys would hang around longer, I could get more opportunities, and I would be happy. I'm not happy being fat, and that's what I am right now. So. Skinny= Happiness, and here I come!



Favorite memory ever right here. I'm not in this phot, but these were my old friends Jessie Kyle and Courtney. We were in Jessies basement, spraying silly string, laughing our asses off, and having a great night. this is one of those nights where I would take nine million photos of nothing. I miss those nights.

Anyways, have a good day ladies, I'm off to go maybe excersise. I dunno yeyt. Figure something out.